The Return of Rick Castle!
by Lucendar
Summary: Post-Ep Countdown Season 3 and AU from there...What if Castle did not wait like a monk for Beckett?..Heartbroken, Castle decides to let Kate fully pursue a relationship with Josh, while he steps aside and resumes his playboy ways, trying to forget her. Can he still work side by side with her and how will their story turn out? Disclaimer: Do not own Castle or its properties!
1. Chapter 1

Rick Castle groans, his dreams long forgotten, squinting his closed eyelids, as he feels a flutter of warmth and light dance across his face. He holds out his hand in front of his face, vainly blocking the intrusive light, as he gently opens his eye lids and sees the rays of sunshine filtering in through the window's blinds, silently cursing them. He looks around, trying to focus his eyes, shaking off his drowsiness, as reality sinks in that he's not in his bedroom or his loft. Oddly, the feeling is not that uncommon to him by now. Over his life, he has woken up many times not in his room but he has definitely never woken up here. He sneaks a glance to his right at the bedside table, upon which sits a lamp and an alarm clock, whose display reads 7:15 am. God, he's slept less than 4 hours, but strangely, he does not feel tired, despite the amount of alcohol he consumed last night. He looks down and sees he is dressed only in his boxers, his pants and shirt lying in a pile in a corner. As he looks to his left, he sees the sleeping female form lying face first on the bed next to him naked, her arms strewn about and her head buried under the pillow. Faint sounds of snoring reach his ears, as Castle smiles, recognizing the body next to him immediately. He doesn't think he'll survive if he ever makes fun of her snoring to her face, but he stores this nugget of information for some later use.

The images of the previous night's activities flash through his head: the deep and passionate kisses, the moans of pleasure from both of them, the three rounds of sex…He shakes his head, trying to clear the cobwebs of sleep and the salacious thoughts contained in his mind. _God, the post-midnight activities had been great, some of the best of his life_, he muses, as he looks upon the bare back of the female next to him. Her velvety satin skin, so soft to his touch and taste, as he remembers confidently trailing his tongue down her spine during their third round and the gentle bites he took of her shoulder blades, neck, and buttocks. He had left no part of her untouched and he was sure she had loved every second of it. His smile turns into a grin as he recalls the events. The view of her back, ass, and legs is too tempting and Castle starts to lean down to her back, wetting his dry lips, but he stops himself, not wanting to wake her. He presses his back against the headboard, moving up the bed quietly, letting the filtering rays of sunshine land on his bare chest, warming him, despite the late September chill outside. No, he wouldn't wake her. Waking her meant talking and discussing what they had done. His grin slowly starts fading away.

Would she regret it? He absolutely had no regrets; it had been mind-blowing and wonderful. Would she hate him for what they had done? God, after all these years…he was afraid of her reaction. And then he had to take into account the third parties involved, the betrayal they might feel, especially one particular person. He creased his forehead. He hoped he hadn't screwed this up so badly. He hoped for a repeat performance of their night-time activities, for many more actually, but she was so damn difficult to read. _Best to wait for her to wake on her own before dealing with the repercussions_, he told himself, as he calmed his rapidly beating heart. Yeah, that was Castle's M.O., the coward's way out, leaving things for later. He starts softly breathing in and out, trying to calm himself. But the more he thought about it, the more nervous he became. He could feel the beads of sweat forming, as his writer's mind began to analyze every possible outcome, many of them ending with yelling and screaming and regret. His heart was beating so fast. God, if he didn't know better, he thought he might be having a panic attack! How the hell had he ever gotten into this mess? He rubbed his face vigorously with the palm of his hands. He closed his eyes, praying he knew some yoga technique that could relax his nerves. _Damn it, Rick, you know how you got here_, his subconscious told him, as he remembered the exact date, minute, and second this had all started.

**6 months earlier**

_Come on, close! God damn it, close!_ Rick tried to will the elevator doors to close, wishing he had telekinetic powers like those he had read in comic books when he was younger_. Please!_ He pleaded with the doors, as he felt a sharp twist of pain in his chest, as the images of Kate Beckett in Josh's arms ran through his mind. God, he had never felt such heartache in his life before, not even after his divorces. _After all he and she had been through in the past two days!_ Possible radiation poisoning, almost freezing to death in the metal container, and standing in front of a ticking radioactive bomb set to take out half of New York, and still, he doesn't get the girl in the end! He saved the city from a domestic terrorist attack and still, he had to leave and see her out of the corner of his eye seeking comfort in Dr. Motorcycle Boy's arms. _How pathetic was he!_ Always doing the right thing, refusing to finish the sentence to ask her out to his loft for dinner when saw Josh coming down the hallway. He had stepped aside because Kate was in a relationship. Or at least that's what he told himself, because admitting that he was too much of a coward to tell her his true feelings was too difficult.

The elevator doors finally closed, as he leaned against the far elevator wall and stared at the ceiling, the image of Kate and Josh still in his head, the ache in his heart still too fresh. In a fugue state, he barely remembers exiting the elevator, saying goodbye to the duty officer, and hailing a cab outside the precinct. _God, it was still too early, barely four o'clock_. He did not want to go home to a lonely apartment, not after everything he had been through today. His mother and daughter Alexis were still in the Hamptons, where he had sent them for their safety, when the threat of the bomb had been real and imminent. Where else could he go? He had just eaten some pizza and drunk some beer with the boys and Beckett at the precinct, celebrating their heroic antics. But he wanted more than beer right now, he wanted to drown some of the pain he felt but he didn't want to be alone. He gave the cabbie instructions to the Old Haunt and sat back in the seat, staring out the window at the city he had saved.

_Saved? Yeah right!_ _It had been more like dumb luck!_ He remembers the panicked look in his eyes as the timer on the bomb displayed less than 60 seconds remained, the deflated voice of DHS Agent Fallon on speaker phone apologizing profusely, that he couldn't see the bomb Beckett had texted him. It sounded like Agent Fallon had been driving, trying to open the attachment. Castle wondered why he never just pulled the car over, instead of fumbling while trying to drive. Or who Fallon's phone service provider was, because Castle definitely wanted to lodge a complaint against them! So with no Agent Fallon coming to save them and Kate giving him that resigned look that said she was ready to face death, images of the Road Runner and Wile E. Coyote and Daffy Duck cartoons raced through Castle's mind and he did what they would have done in his situation, as the counter reached zero: he pulled out all the wires! Miraculously, his stunt had worked and they and the city had been saved. _Thank God for Looney Tunes cartoons!_ Castle's face broke into a smile, as he stared out the cab window, seeing the numerous people in the streets of New York City, blissfully unaware how close they had come to disaster.

But then Castle remembered: that hug! _Damn it! _ His reverie of heroism was cut short, his face turning into a frown of frustration, as he remembered just how good that had felt, holding Kate in his arms, so tightly, smelling her cherry-scented shampoo, the curves of her body pressed against his, wishing he would never have to let her go. But then he did and he wondered if he ever would get to hold her like that again. That's how it was with Kate Beckett! Just glimpses, ephemeral expressions of how good they could be together. That hug, their undercover kiss, the looks they shared over the years….they all just served to tease him because he could never get the lasting and real version of Kate. _Nooooo!_ Josh, Tom, Will, they all got to enjoy those moments with Kate, no matter how long those relationships had lasted. _Not him, never him!_ Castle ran his hand through his face, messing up his hair, and groaning, feeling pathetic for his inner whining, as the cabbie stared at him through the rear view mirror.

"You okay, buddy?"

"Yeah, just peachy!" Castle responded, his tone too derisive for the curious cab driver, who ignored Castle for the rest of the ride. _God, it was so frustrating to feel this strongly about Kate Beckett!_ Two plus years of seeing each other almost every day, solving murder after murder, hours and hours spent together, and this was as far as he had gotten, resorting to reminiscing about one hug and one kiss….how sad! He couldn't keep this up, surviving on these crumbs of affection that his muse deigned to offer him. _No, something had to change, he wouldn't continue like this!_ Castle lost track of how much time passed, until thankfully, the cab reached its destination and Castle sprinted out, tossing some bills and a tip for the cabbie, feeling guilty for the way he had treated him. He needed a drink and he needed it now, as he scrambled down the stairs and opened the door to his tavern, disappearing within.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thank you for all the reviews and follows! I look forward to Castle's journey of self-discovery and hope you don't mind too much the pace and his inner monologues! Without further ado..**

Castle navigated the Happy Hour crowd inside the Old Haunt with ease, the smell of beer quite potent in the air, the sounds of surrounding laughter ringing in his ears. He was glad at least someone was having a good day. Castle spotted Annie, one of his waitresses, juggling two pitchers of beer, as she made her way to a booth of customers. She caught sight of him and gave him a quizzical look, as if silently asking why he was there so early. He acknowledged her with a nod and continued on his way to his booth, waving to Eddie the piano player. He finally reached his booth, the one where he had penned his first best-seller, In a Hail of Bullets, moved the placard that read "Reserved for Owner", and sat down. He made a hand gesture to Brian the bartender, who was currently busy preparing some drink orders, but smiled upon seeing Castle. Satisfied that Brian would attend to him shortly, Castle leaned back in his booth and took in the ambiance. He had bought the bar almost three months ago after closing the rare whiskey bottle case with Beckett and the boys. He had kept the existing staff on board, made some new hires, and updated the bar's furnishings. Initially, he had wanted to keep the old charm feel of the tavern but Brian had convinced him that it was the 21st century and in order to be profitable, he would have to indulge the public with Happy Hour specials and the ilk. Castle had finally relented and the results were immediate: larger crowds, though the bar tended to cater to young Manhattan office professionals looking to wind down after work. Castle looked around the bar and saw groups of three and four office mates seated at various booths around him, drinking and laughing and gossiping, enjoying the late Thursday afternoon.

"Hey Boss-man, you alone today? Haven't seen you in a couple of days. You busy solving crimes with that detective lady of yours?"

Brian's voice snapped Castle out of his eavesdropping, as he saw the young handsome bartender standing next to his booth, smiling and a little too eager for some gossip. Castle felt like saying _"Actually, we just stopped a domestic terrorist cell from setting off a dirty bomb in mid-town Manhattan that would have killed millions, which I single-handedly disarmed by the way. And how was your day?" _ Castle chuckled at his inner monologue and instead said,

"Yeah Brian, it's been a hectic few days, to say the least. I'm glad to see the place is so busy today. Anyway, I need a drink..badly." Brian smiled.

"Let me guess. Johnnie Walker Black Label."

"You read my mind, Brian. I knew there was a reason I kept you on."

Brian chuckled and quickly retreated back to the bar, well aware of his boss' predilections toward Scotch Whiskey, especially after seeing his reaction to that Beau James vintage bottle that night he and his 12th precinct crew had come in to celebrate.

Castle laughed at his predictability, as he saw Brian walk away. He gazed up at the Wall of Fame above his booth and saw his picture, arms crossed and smiling. God, he looked so different, so much younger and happier. Fresh off his first best-seller, he had wastefully spent his first big paycheck in six months, and caroused with women constantly. He missed the days when life was carefree, without any worry, without any heartache. Before Kyra broke his heart, before he caught Meredith cheating and ended his first marriage, before he and Gina struck out...both times, before the numerous best-sellers..and yes, before Kate. Of course, he would never regret Alexis, the greatest gift in his life. But still, how he wished he could trade places for a day with the confident guy in the picture. Young, handsome, charming, thinner...Castle looked down at his gut and groaned. Thankfully, Brian appeared just then and handed Castle the tumbler, which he gulped down furiously, closing his eyes and grimacing, as the alcohol burned his throat, before slamming the glass down on the table. Castle thanked Brian and took the bottle from him, letting the young bartender know he was no longer needed.

"Boss, if you need to talk, I'm here." With that Brian left Castle alone to refill his glass.

Castle swirled the liquid around, realizing that if he wanted to enjoy the drink, he needed to slow down and pace himself. After all, the heartache was still present in his chest so it was going to take more than one shot to numb the pain. Castle stared into the glass, trying to will Johnnie Walker to give him the answers he so desperately needed. _God, doesn't Becket know how I feel about her? _ Hadn't he done enough? I mean, he had dedicated two books to her and was on his way to finishing the third one. He had put 100K of his own money without beating an eyelash to help find her mother's killer. He had risked life and limb, rushing across downtown like a madman to warn her about the bomber, and even run into a burning building to save her. He had jumped on and beat a professional killer into unconsciousness just as he was about to shoot her. He had held a benefit in her mother's name to honor her legacy. That's without counting the number of times he had saved her life. Shit! And yet she still thinks he was just a friend, just a partner! _Isn't she supposed to be some bad-ass detective, youngest female ever to make detective in the NYPD? _ How could she not be aware of his feelings, not see his not so subtle clues that he wanted so much more from her? _ C'mon, Johnnie, help me here!_

_Or maybe I'm just fooling myself and she is keenly aware and just doesn't feel the same. _ That realization stung Castle hard. He took another swig of the whiskey and closed his eyes. _God, have I been such a fool? All this time, trying to better myself, change my ways, prove to her that I'm a good father and son, that my playboy persona is not real. Am I fighting a lost cause? _ Because sure, Kate had saved his life a few times, to avoid paperwork as she said. And she did try and console him after the Damien Westlake fiasco and she had given him flowers in the elevator after he broke up with Gina the second time. But that's it, besides the hug and kiss and the looks. All she had ever offered him was friendship, never made mention of her wanting anymore, at least not from him. God, it was so hard to know what was real with her, behind all those walls around her heart carefully constructed to keep people like him away. He thought there was a special connection between them, like...magic! He groaned in frustration as he kept his eyes closed and tried to drift away in his thoughts.

"Mr. Castle?"

He heard the female voice but it seemed distant, maybe due to the alcohol. He kept his eyes closed, figuring it was a dream or something.

"You're Richard Castle, right? The mystery novelist?"

_Oh God, not another fan girl looking for an autograph. Last thing I need right_...Castle opened his eyes and his thoughts came screeching to a halt, as he took in the beautiful visage of the woman hesitantly standing next to his booth. She was tall, maybe 5'10", dressed sharply in a black single button suit jacket with matching pants custom tailored to the curves of her body with a white blouse underneath, subtly showing off a peek of her cleavage. She had beautiful straight ebony hair that reached her shoulder blades and the most enchanting dark brown eyes. She reminded him a little of Angie Harmon.

Castle stammered out, "Ye-e-e-s, I'm Richard Castle."

He finally composed himself and said, "Please call me Rick."

He graciously held out his hand and the young professional woman no older than thirty-three shook it.

"Okay, Rick, I'm Isabella, Isabella Santori. Sorry to interrupt your reverie but I just wanted to say I'm a big fan of your work and I had heard you owned this bar. But I never thought I would ever meet you..."

Isabella groaned, obviously thinking what an unoriginal line she had just used!

"I'm sorry, I know you must get tired of hearing it and sorry to disrupt your private time." She looked ready to turn and flee.

Castle smiled, as the flustered woman with an Italian accent was obviously embarrassed and a little star struck, but he wouldn't let her off so easily.

"Actually, I never get tired of hearing it, especially when it comes from such a beautiful woman."

And then he flashed her his megawatt smile when she turned to look at him. "Please, if you're not too busy, I would love the company."

He directed her to sit opposite him in the booth. Isabella stood there shocked for a few seconds upon hearing Castle's flirtatious offer, before Brian called her over to the bar.

"Miss, your drinks are ready." She looked at Castle and said meekly, "Excuse me", before heading to the bar and picking up a tray of four Corona bottles stuffed with lime wedges.

Castle saw her head over to a table two booths from him, where she met up with two other young men and a young woman, all in their 20s. He stared as Isabella sat down with her office mates, he assumed, and groaned in disappointment. _And the hits just keep on coming! _ He silently cursed Brian for interrupting them. _God, was he surrounded by cock blockers everywhere? At the precinct, in his own bar?!_ He looked down at his drink, it seemed to inspire his moping today. _Rick. It had been so long since anyone called him that._ He liked it, it felt intimate whenever a woman called him by his first name. At home, he was just Dad or Richard dear. At the precinct, he was Castle. Gina called him Rick, but he hated the way it rolled off her tongue, and he didn't want to be reminded how it had failed with her...twice! He took another small swig of the whiskey, enjoying the taste and savoring its aftereffects, continuing to stare at the drink and mahogany table.

"So Rick, is that offer still valid? May I?"

Surprised, Castle looked up and saw Isabella standing there, smirking and quite more confident than before, holding a black briefcase in one hand and a Corona bottle in the other.

Castle smiled, directing her with his hand, "Please."

As she sat down in his booth, opposite him, Isabella put the briefcase and beer bottle on the table and opened the former.

"Now, Rick, before we go any further, I know I'll kick myself in the morning if I say I met the famous Rick Castle and didn't get his autograph."

She grinned and after shuffling some papers in her briefcase, pulled out her copy of Naked Heat, handing the book to Castle along with her monogrammed pen with the initials IS.

"If you would be so kind to do the honors.." She smirked at Castle, arching her eyebrows, clearly knowing she had just shocked him. She then took a drink of her beer, waiting for him.

Castle sat there stunned that this gorgeous and clearly professional woman would have a copy of his book in her $500 leather briefcase. She was not exactly the blonde bimbo type that tended to gather at his book signings, none of which he was sure had even cracked the bindings of any of his books. As he took the book and pen from her, Castle could clearly tell this book had been read and enjoyed, noting the markings on the pages, and nothing gave him more pride than that. His lips curled into a smile. Sensing he had to shift the power, Castle glanced over Isabella's shoulder at the table with her office mates, then looked her over, her exquisite suit, her finely groomed nails, and a mischievous look came over him. He took the pen, opened to the title page of the book and quickly scribbled a note. Then Castle closed the book and returned the pen and book back to her.

"I hope you enjoy it."

He re-filled his whiskey tumbler, swirled it around, putting on his best poker face, seemingly not caring whether she read or not what he wrote. _Please read it now_!

Isabella's curiosity got the better of her and she quickly opened the book and gasped in shock as she read what he wrote: Always follow your heart and accept no compromises in your pursuit of justice. -RC


	3. Chapter 3

Isabella sat there, mouth agape, after reading Castle's words. She looked up at the writer only to see Castle leaning back in his booth, still swirling his tumbler of whiskey, a smug look on his face as he said, "So, I see you liked it. Glad to be of service."

He toasted her with his drink, as he took a sip of the amber liquid, never taking his eyes off her, taking in her beauty and her reaction to his words. She was quite stunning. Isabella closed her mouth, smiled, and leaned back as well, staring into Castle's eyes. She closed the book and put it away in her briefcase. She then took a swig of her Corona, and arched her right eyebrow. They both sat there silently for a few seconds, watching the other, each waiting for the other to make the first move, to see who would break first.

Finally, Isabella said nonchalantly, "What you wrote was sweet. Thank you. Okay, Mr. Castle, how did you know I was in the legal profession?"

Castle ignored the formal "Mr. Castle" remark and immediately moved, like a coiled spring, shifting in his seat, leaning in closer to the table, his body radiating nervous energy, his hands putting down the whiskey glass. Isabella smiled at his reaction, like a little kid who couldn't wait to tell his parents he had scored an "A" on his test. Castle rubbed his hands together like a movie villain revealing his dastardly plot to the hero. His eyes danced in the soft light of the booth as he began.

"Well, since you asked. Your finely tailored power suit screams lawyer or executive. Same with your briefcase and monogrammed pen."

Isabella simply nodded with a blank expression on her face, clearly letting Castle know she was not impressed at all with his obvious observations. Castle took note of her expression and grinned. _You ain't seen nothing yet!_

Castle cleared his throat dramatically, to draw Isabella's attention to his next words. Once he saw he had it, he pointed to the booth with her office mates.

"Then there's your office staff over there. The three of them are all dressed in suits and are in their early 20's. I'm thinking paralegals or parts of your executive team. Then, if you look closely, you can see two legal pads sticking out of your female staff member's purse."

Isabella looked back at her booth and saw the Tops Docket logo on the two pads in the purse laying on the table, as her three office mates were laughing and clinking their drinks. She looked back at Castle and said, "True, Ana loves carrying them around, says she always likes to be ready to take notes. Anything else, Mr. Castle?" She tried hard to hide her marvel at his powers of observation but failed.

"Yes, one last thing. My final clue was you." A surprised look came over Isabella's face. "Or more specifically, the left sleeve of your blazer. I noticed a faint yellowish-stain on it, which I must assume must be from a highlighter marker. Maybe it got there when you used the marker to highlight some case law or brief." Isabella turned her arm around and saw the faint mark, clearly aware it would come out with some dry cleaning but also looking back at Castle speechless.

Castle noticed her reaction, shrugged his shoulders and continued with his exposition, now in a softer tone. "Now, independently all of these clues may not be dispositive, but taken in the aggregate, Counselor, they paint a picture of a beautiful professional attorney interested in projecting an appearance of competence, confidence, and power, who is also team-oriented, and proud of her accomplishments. I was 80% sure you were an attorney, so I took a calculated risk Glad I wasn't wrong! I really did not want to have to cross out my note." Castle chuckled and Isabella broke into laughter.

"Rick, quite impressive. Your risk paid off. I guess I shouldn't be surprised. Your eye for detail is what makes your books so good."

Castle nodded. "I don't know about that, I've been lucky. So what type of law do you practice, Isa?"

Isabella saw how he deflected her praise but decided not to pursue it. She also gave him a shy smile, letting him know that she liked that he had called her "Isa".

"Immigration actually. I mainly focus on federal appellate cases. I guess being the daughter of Italian immigrants, I was drawn to it in law school."

Castle nodded, delighted at the intimacy of addressing each other as Rick and Isa. "Makes sense, makes the fight for immigrant rights more personal for you. I can see that. So given the celebratory mood of your office staff, I assume you just won a big case." He took a swig of his tumbler finishing the last remnants of alcohol and put the glass down, confident that he had guessed correctly again.

Isabella winked at Castle and conceded."Right again, Rick. We sued DHS among other federal agencies on behalf of a client before the U.S. Court of Appeals and were awarded over $80,000 in fees. We got the news this morning. In case you didn't know, DHS is the Department-"

"of Homeland Security", Castle finished for her. "I am well acquainted with them." He immediately thought of Agent Fallon and the bomb and gave her a look that let Isabella know there was some story there but for some other time.

"Then I guess, congratulations are in order!" Castle refilled his glass and clinked it against her beer bottle. He thought he saw a blush come over as she worded a silent thank you.

"So, if it's not too much trouble, mind telling me about the case? Unless I'm keeping you from the celebration with your staff?"

Isabella dismissed his worry with a wave of her hand. "No, not at all. Eric, Jaime, and Ana see me every day in the office so they won't be missing me and sometimes I think they bring me along just so I can pick up the tab."

Castle could not stop his lips from curling into a smile. "I'm sure they're quite proud of what you do. Great then, it's story time. I'm ready when you are, Isa."

Isabella arched any eyebrow, "Story time, huh? Sure, Rick, but I have to warn you, though I love what I do, most people do not share my passion, so it may be a little boring."

"Nonsense, I am sure it will be quite riveting. Please continue." Castle could not control his excitement as the lawyer started to recount the facts of the case. Unfortunately, what Castle heard over the next few minutes was this:

"My client is a Cuban national, who was eee-wee, and detained by ice. He applied for AOS but because of an arrest, mind you, not a conviction, for possession of cocaine with intent back in 1983 and a GT conviction in 1986, CIS denied his case on RTB and as an ag fell. The IJ affirmed CIS' decision and ordered him deported. BIA affirmed. We appealed, convinced the court that a 23-year old report was not sufficient for RTB and that there was no intent to permanently deprive on the theft conviction. The Court agreed, found no reasonable support for the government's position, and now my client can go back before CIS and get his LPR status. And he has a USC wife and five USC children so he deserves this. Isn't that great?"

Isabella's cheeks were flushed with excitement and her eyes were dancing as her tale of the case concluded and her smile was so infectious. It was quite obvious to anyone how passionate she was about the subject matter.

Castle smiled awkwardly and though he understood the gist of her story, he was still confused with many of the terms. As always, he resorted to humor.

"So you're saying your tiny client (eee-wee is small right? What does size have to do with this?) fell on some ice and sued the IJ, the BIA (is that the brother to the CIA?) and you won, right? I thought you were an immigration attorney, not personal injury!"

Castle waited patiently for Isabella's reaction, a small nervous smile on his lips, letting her clearly know he was kidding.

Isabella couldn't contain her reaction and burst into laughter, nearly spitting up her drink. Castle grinned, relieved, as he offered her a napkin.

She took the napkin and wiped her mouth and tears of laughter. "I'm sorry, Rick, I am so used to speaking to fellow practitioners and my staff that I forget that we lawyers speak in our own tongue and rely on acronyms a lot. Let me try again. My client is E.W.I. (entered without inspection) and was detained by ICE (Immigration and Customs Enforcement). He applied for AOS (adjustment of status - green card application) but because of his two arrests (drug case and grand theft), he was denied on reason to believe and as an aggravated felon. The IJ (Immigration Judge) and BIA (Board of Immigration Appeals) also denied his case but we won case on appeal in federal circuit court and now client will be granted LPR (lawful permanent residence) status. Better?"

Castle took in a breath. "Yes, much. Then you got some someone with a wife and five kids a green card. You did a really good thing and you should be quite proud!" Castle clinked his glass against her bottle again and gave her an appreciative wink.

"Thanks, Rick. It's the reason I love my job so much. You meet people from all different walks of life and hear so many stories of courage and perseverance, how they strive to make better lives for themselves in this country. God and the feeling I get when I tell them the good news! The euphoria is unbelievable! It fills my heart with such joy, it makes all the hours of research and brief writing worth it. You should have seen my client, he hugged me so hard and thanked me so much when I told him he would soon get his green card in the mail."

"Isa, are you sure that was the reason for the hug? You're looking mighty fine in that suit! I know he's married but be careful!"

Isabella laughed. "You're terrible, Rick."

Castle was having so much fun talking to Isabella but one thing still bothered his writer's mind, something he couldn't quite explain. "That's what I've been told. Can you answer me one question, Isa?"

She nodded her head, curious as to what the writer was going to ask her.

" You're a highly successful and intelligent professional with a passion for her work. You just don't strike me as the type to read my books. So why do you?"

"You shouldn't sell yourself short, Rick. You're a great writer and what can I say? You're my guilty pleasure." Isabella then purposefully sent Castle a sultry look.

Castle's mouth went dry and his cheeks turned red, as sinful thoughts ran through his mind at the mention of the phrase "guilty pleasure." He then saw Isabella's mischievous smile. _God, she was just playing with him!_ But he didn't mind one bit, as she continued.

"What I mean to say is that after spending all day reading statutes, briefs, regulations, and case law, I need something fun to relax me, to transport me to another world, where good vanquishes evil in the end. And your books do that for me."

Castle was speechless again, but this time for another reason. No one of such importance had ever told him how much his books meant to them. He was humbled by her praise. "I'm glad they serve as an outlet for you."

Isabella winked at him coyly. "I'm also a girl and I am really enjoying the Nikki-Rook romance angle in your last two books."

Castle winced a little at the mention of the fictional couple based in real life on him and a certain Detective Kate Beckett. God, he had forgotten about his current melancholic mood and the detective until then. He tried to hide his reaction from Isabella, but he knew it was too late.

"Thanks, yeah, the fans have told me they like it too, so I must be doing something right." _Please God, switch the conversation to any other subject except __her__._

Unfortunately, Isabella did not let it go. "And switching the conversation back to you, when I came over to your booth before, you had your eyes closed, lost in your thoughts. Girl problems?"

Now it was Rick's turn to stare at Isabella in shock. "Wh-why would you say that?"

Noticing she had struck a nerve, Isabella continued, confident she had read him just as well as he had read her.

"Reading people is also a useful skill in my profession, Mr. Castle. Drinking hard liquor alone in the middle of the afternoon? Besides, I have two brothers, and every time I've seen that same look you had on them, it was either financial problems or girl problems. And considering you're a millionaire author, I guessed it was the romantic kind. Soooo, want to talk about it?"

**A/N: Still don't own Castle! Thanks to everyone for the follows and the reviews. I hope the pace is not scaring you off. I wanted to get further but the characters wouldn't let me! :-) I know everyone wants to jump 6 months ahead for the identity of the bed mate but the journey will be worthwhile so enjoy it. Finally, in case you were wondering, I am an immigration attorney. They say write what you know, right? Hope to hear from you! Comments are appreciated! Later! **


	4. Chapter 4

"Uh…I don't know if I'm ready to discuss that…yet." Castle stammered, at a loss at how easily Isabella had figured out his troubles and also feeling a little uncomfortable discussing Beckett with anyone, especially since he didn't have it clear in his own head what he and Kate were anymore.

Isabella smiled at his stammering. "Hmmm, this must really embarrassing for you if you're getting all tongue-tied. Does it have anything to do with your muse, that police detective you're allegedly following?" For effect, she did the air quotes sign with her fingers when she said "following", a mischievous grin on her face.

"Wh-what? No, not at all. And what do you mean allegedly following?"

"Come on Rick, you're famous. The fans on the internet message boards speculate that you and your muse are more than friendly, if you know what I mean."

Castle's face reddened. "So you're saying you've been on those message boards, then?" He was trying his hardest to embarrass her, hoping she would switch subjects.

With her chin held high, Isa responded. "Yes, I'm not ashamed. I told you earlier you were my guilty pleasure. Now stop avoiding and answer the question. Come on Rick, it's just the two of us. I'm not going to run to Page Six. This will stay between you and me." She reached out, covering his hand with hers, letting him know it was safe to speak.

Castle felt a spark of electricity at her touch and seeing the sincerity in her eyes, he felt at ease. Odd given the fact that she was almost a complete stranger but somehow he felt he could confide in her. Or at least he was secure she wouldn't judge him. "Yeah, it's about her, my muse, Kate. I thought we had a connection, a special bond, you know? And she's involved in a relationship with someone else. Then today, we almost died and she went to him instead of me and I've come to realize maybe I've been fooling myself, that she's never offered me anything more than friendship. I don't know, I'm all mixed up in here." He pointed to his heart. "I'm sorry, Isa. I didn't mean to bring you down and we were having such a good time." He sat still staring at her fingers on his hand.

Isabella squeezed his hand. "Hey Rick, it's okay. I just saw how torn up you looked and thought you might feel better talking about it. And excuse me for butting in, but have you told her how you feel? Maybe you've misread the signals and she is interested in you."

Castle smiled briefly, touched how Isa was trying to console him, give him hope. "Not really, Isa, but she is in a relationship with another guy and has been for awhile, a few months at least. I wouldn't feel right butting in. I may have done many things in the past for which I am not proud that have shown up on Page Six, but I've never ever gotten involved with a married or committed woman. I don't go after another man's woman. I know firsthand how much cheating hurts and I would never want another guy to suffer the same." Castle's mind could not help but go back to Meredith, when he walked in that day and found her in bed with her director. Suddenly, his subconscious interjected in his stream of thoughts. _ But how about Kyra? She was engaged when you kissed her on the rooftop._ Castle growled at his subconscious. _That wasn't the same. That was a goodbye kiss. I knew there was no future with her, that she would be happier with her fiancée. God, he had to stop these inner monologue fights before someone noticed or he would be committed soon!_

Isabella's face turned serious, like a parent scolding a child. "Rick, you've got stop with the excuses. You can't keep suffering in silence. I know you say she's spoken for but she has to know how you feel. That way she can make an informed decision as to whether you're worth risking her current relationship. If you're not, then at least you know and you can move on. Wouldn't that be better than not knowing? Come on, Rick, grow a pair!" Isabella grinned, hoping to motivate the writer to act.

Castle looked down, clearly ashamed for his cowardice in not confronting Kate and having someone else point it out to him. Still, trying to not give in to Isa, he softly said, "Yeah, I guess. Maybe." When he looked up, he saw Isa's serious expression, the flaring of her nostrils, and the glare she was giving him, and he finally relented. "Okay, okay. Yes, you're right. It would be better than this limbo. God, I can see how you're such a good lawyer, nobody could refuse that glare." _Still, even angry, she looked quite hot. How did she do it? _

Isabella laughed, "It's an Italian Mafia thing; nobody can withstand the glare!"

Castle chuckled, hoping she didn't have any mob ties. "Seriously, though, thanks Isa, I needed that kick in the pants to jump start me out of this haze I've been in. I appreciate it. And thanks for not thinking I'm a sap or something similar."

Isabella could see the gratitude in his gorgeous blue eyes. "You're not a sap, Rick, not much anyway." Her soft smile disappeared as she glanced down at her watch. "It's already past six, Rick. I need to get going, need to pick up some dinner."

Rick's face turned to worry. She was leaving? It was so easy to talk to her. And she was distracting him from thinking about Kate. He had to say something soon, before she left. "Are you sure you have to leave? Maybe you'd like some company." His throat went dry, waiting for a response, trying to give her his most convincing puppy dog eyes and charming smile.

Isabella sighed, "Rick, no thanks." Seeing the disappointment in his eyes, she continued. "Not that it wouldn't be tempting. Hell, you're good looking, charming, observant, sweet…but you're not in the proper state of mind right now for someone like me. You need to see if it will work out with Kate. And me, my life is complicated."

She reached for her purse, pulled out her wallet and showed Castle the photo of a young child about 9-10 years old dressed in his soccer uniform. "I have a son, Rick. This is Paul, the love of my life. I had him when I graduated college. His father was more interested in obtaining his MBA so I've had to raise him alone, through law school, through all stages of my career and I do not regret a single second of it." Her motherly pride was quite evident in her tone.

Castle remained silent, even more impressed with the woman before him, at all she had accomplished while raising a child on her own. And his smile told her so more than any words could have.

Isabella acknowledged Castle's silent praise with a wink. "I've done well by him and my practice is flourishing. Not to toot my own horn, but last month, I was selected as one of the top ten federal immigration appellate lawyers in the country. But as a single mother, I have to be responsible in my personal relationships. Not that I'm looking for an engagement ring on the first date, but I definitely am looking for something more serious than a one-night stand or a booty call. Hell, with our looks, either of us could get one of those at the drop of a dime, especially you, with your fame and money. But you've got things to sort out in your life first, even if you were interested in someone like me."

Castle gave her a look that told her any sane heterosexual man would be interested in her. Isabella stood and pulled out her pen and a card from her wallet. She wrote a number on the back and handed it to Castle, who took it.

"Rick, here's my cell number. If it doesn't work out with Kate and you decide to look for something, someone with substance for something more than a passing fancy, give me a call. But don't take too long, cuz this hottie Italian lawyer won't be single long."

She smiled and gave Castle a sexy wink. "Forget about that shy fan you first saw when you met me. This is the real me, never at a lack for confidence."

She leaned over and Castle stood, as she gave him a kiss on the cheek. Her lips were soft and Castle caught a sniff of her perfume, sweet and intoxicating. "If I don't hear from you, at least I got quite a bar story and an autographed book out of it. Good luck, Rick. Thanks for everything and take care."

"You too, Isa. You were a godsend today. Thanks again." He really did not want her to leave. _God, he wanted to do things to her, with her. _ But just like that, Isabella walked toward the booth with her office staff, waved goodbye to them, and was soon out the door.

A part of Castle wanted to follow and chase Isa down. But the rational part of his brain told him everything she said was right. He slumped back down in the booth and stared at the business card in his hand.  Isabella Santori & Associates, P.A.  He put the card in his wallet with a sigh. His head and heart were not in the right place for someone like her, not when there were still unresolved issues with Kate. But he would not resolve them today, not when he thought he might interrupt some life-affirming activities with Josh. _Aaargh! God, he didn't want those images floating in his head, especially now that he was alone again. _ No, he'd resolve those issues tomorrow, first thing in the morning. Looking around, seeing the jovial faces of the Happy hour crowd and hearing their laughter and merriment, Castle felt more alone than ever. He stood up, left his tumbler of whiskey unfinished, and waved goodbye to Brian. He thought back to his meeting Isabella; at least something good had come out of his misery. And with a small smile, he tightened his jacket around him and went to hail a cab in the frigid March night.

**A/N: Still don't own Castle. Thanks to all who have reviewed and are following the story! I know this chapter is shorter than most but I felt like I owed you all a quick update as Chapter 3 ran long. Sorry to those who wanted to Castle to sleep with Isabella right away, but she won't be gone forever. I like her character so I'm sure she'll find a way back into the story. Later! :-)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Still don't own Castle! Thank you for the reviews and follows. Here is the next chapter and we're back to more of Castle's internal monologues! Hope you don't mind too much! ;-) Later!**

It was a little past seven at night, no thanks to the traffic, when Castle opened the door to his loft. He had started feeling a chill on the taxi ride home. _ God he hoped he wasn't getting sick. _ The first thing Castle noticed as he entered was the silence. No ambient sounds from the television, no shuffling of pots and pans in the kitchen, no over the top script readings, nothing. God, he missed not having his daughter or mother with him this night, as he put the keys on the side table and closed the door. Feeling a dull ache in his heart, he pulled out his cell phone and dialed the number listed as first on his contacts list. On the second ring, she picked up, her voice laced with worry as she bombarded him with questions, "Hey Dad, how are you? How's everything? Is it safe to come back home?"

"Pumpkin, calm down. I am fine, everything is fine. How are you guys doing up there?"

"We're good, Dad. Both of us worried to death how you asked us to leave town without telling us what was going on. So now that everything is okay, can I call Ashley now, to see how is he doing since I wasn't allowed to call him before I left?"

Castle ignored Alexis' sarcastic tone, realizing how difficult this all must have been for her.

"Yeah sweetie, you can call Ashley. Put Grams on the phone for me. Love you."

"Love you too, Dad." Castle's heart soared when he heard his daughter's affection on the phone. Then he almost went deaf when she screamed, "Grams! Dad wants to talk to you!"

His mother's worried voice soon picked up, as Castle heard the shuffling of papers, as she neared the phone. "Richard, dear, are you okay?"

"Yes, mother, everything is okay…now."

"Richard, I know you were trying to protect us but don't you ever do that to us again. We were so worried about you and Detective Beckett and the rest of the precinct. Is everyone okay? Can we come home now?"

"Yes, mother, everybody is safe and sound. Thank God, the danger is over." Castle shuddered at how close he had been to death. He hated to imagine how his daughter and mother would have reacted to hearing on television the news that a dirty bomb had gone off in mid-town, killing millions. His eyes welled up with tears at the thought of never seeing his family again.

With pain in his voice, Castle spoke softly, "Mother, you and Alexis can come home, but given the late hour and how dark it is, I really don't want to worry about you driving at night on the highways so why not stay the night and come home first thing in the morning?"

Martha could only imagine the horrifying day her son had endured and how brave it had been for him to stay while they left for safety. She knew her son was a kind and sensitive man, but it wasn't until today that she had realized how brave and selfless he was. Though she and Alexis wanted to come home as soon as possible, she could placate her son's one request and give him a worry free night. "Sure, Richard, we'll drive home first thing tomorrow and be home by ten, so you'd better have some breakfast treats waiting for us…and not the cheap kind!"

Castle chuckled, "Thank you mother. I won't let you down. What are you guys going to do for the rest of the night?"

"I'm sure we'll scrounge up some dinner and then Alexis will talk or chat with Ashley all night, and I've got a script I'm reading for an off-Broadway play, but I won't bore you with the details. How about you, kid? What are your plans for celebrating life tonight?"

Castle grinned at his mother's dramatic flair. "As you can imagine, I am pretty tired so I will just catch up on some television, take a shower, and go to bed early. Mother, tell Alexis I love her very much and both of you take care. Love you too and I will see you all tomorrow morning."

"I will. Love you too, son. Sleep tight. Bye."

With a sigh, Castle put his phone away when he heard the call disconnected. He was alone…again. He tried to keep himself busy tidying up the living room, taking down the bed sheet he had used as a projector. The liquor flowing through his bloodstream made him light headed and he sat down soon after and turned on the television. He still felt a residual cold through his body despite the fact that the loft temperature was set to 74 degrees Fahrenheit. He wrapped himself in a blanket, grabbed the remote control, and finally settled on the TCM channel to watch some old film, but less than five minutes into The Maltese Falcon, the stress and the emotional turmoil of the day, coupled with the aftereffects of the whiskey took a toll on his body and he struggled to keep his eyes open, until sleep finally claimed him.

_5..4..3..2..1..God he was going to die! He was too afraid to move, as the counter hit zero. Alexis, Mother! I love you! He could feel the blast of the dirty bomb, as a burst of white light covered his eyes and he lost sight of Beckett. The heat was so close he could feel it on his cheeks, as he screamed in pain!_

Castle woke up thrashing and flailing his arms around, the blanket around his head, his body covered in sweat. He pulled the blanket off and tried to get his bearings. He was breathing heavily, as he realized it was just a nightmare. He was alive and well in the loft. _But God it felt so real._ He turned the television off with the remote and cast it aside. He glanced at his watch. 9:53 pm. He ran his fingers through his hair, feeling the perspiration on his forehead. _Calm down, Rick, it was only a dream. _ On shaky legs, he wobbled over to the kitchen where he poured himself a glass of water, which he greedily gulped down. A cold chill ran down his spine, as he realized his shirt was sticking to his back and that he had not showered since this morning. He headed to his room, past his study. He peeled off the sweaty clothes and jumped in his shower, setting the water temperature to just below scalding. He let the water flow over his body in the hope it would rinse away the sweat, grime, and doubts accumulated during the day.

The hot water served to ease his nerves and stress, but somehow he still felt a chill course through his veins, like it was embedded in his bones. He could not help but to think back to the freezer storage container and, of course, Kate. _It had been so cold! _ When they had realized that there was no escape, he and Kate had huddled in vain for warmth, sitting next to each other, his arm around her shoulders. He remembered the blue ethereal light of the room and how the walls were covered in ice, the refrigerating mist visible and hanging in the air all around them. It was the worst feeling he had ever felt. He had never felt such despair, of actually freezing to death, with no hope for rescue. Deep inside, he believed that was the end. Sure, he had tried to keep Kate's hopes up, telling her he was right there for her, not wanting to freak out in front of her. Especially when it had been his fault, for going rogue, and for dragging her along. And of course, Kate had been…Kate. She hadn't blamed him, telling him that he had been right, that they had found the bomb. Her voice so soft, so weak, so vulnerable. He had tried to comfort her but it was hard to talk when his body was wracked with shivers and his teeth were almost chattering.

In the shower, Castle adjusted the water level to even hotter temperatures, shoving his head under the direct spray, as he closed his eyes and continued to reminisce about the events in the freezer. He remembered when Kate had turned to his side and reached her delicate fingers to his chin and said "Thank you..for being there. I just wanted you to know how much I…." _How much you what?! Why did she have to pass out just then? The universe was cruel. God Kate, what had she wanted to say to him? How much she appreciated his help? Respected him as a partner? Thanked him for always being there? Do I dare even dream it…Loved me? _ But then, after they were rescued and then saved, by of all people, Josh, everything went back to the status quo. Speaking of that, Castle reminded himself that thank Josh the next time he saw him for saving his life. Anyway, once they were on their feet again, before he could blink, Kate was back in Josh's arms, talking about chances, and he was alone, with a blanket over his shoulders, assuring Agent Fallon that he and Beckett were just friends.

Maybe this whole Castle-Beckett thing was a product of his overactive imagination. Maybe they were just friends, good friends who caught killers. There was no denying they had great chemistry when working a case. The way she tolerated his CIA and mob theories, before eventually landing on some particular brilliant insight or nugget of information, how they each picked up on the other's train of thought, to the point of finishing each other's sentences. They were a good team….on the job. But as a couple? Sure, they were from different socio-economic worlds, but he had never placed too much importance on that. Kate had just never given him a true chance to woo her. He was sure she had been prejudiced against him by his playboy persona. That and after her mother's death, he was sure she did not let anyone get too close for fear of getting hurt. _What had she said? Keep one foot out of the relationship._

Perhaps, things would be different now if when he had first met her, after they had caught the killer, he had behaved more like a decent guy than an arrogant prick. Maybe, if he had said, "Kate, now that the case is over, would you like to get a cup of coffee with me?" instead of "We could go to dinner, debrief each other." Castle groaned as he remembered the lame line he had tried on Beckett. Of course, back then, he was not looking for anything serious from her, just to have some fun, pick up another notch on his bed post. It was when she had refused him and walked away, swaying her hips in defiance, that she had intrigued him, inspired him to base a character on her, and snapped him out of his writer's block.

Castle cleared his mind of any further thoughts of Kate. Two plus years later and he was still no closer to her. He shampooed his hair and applied soap to his body, eventually finishing the shower. Covering himself with the towel, he looked in the mirror, seeing the red splotches on his skin from the scalding water. He groaned as he grabbed his gut. Two plus years later and he had gained 10-15 pounds. He blamed his weight gain on his poor sleep habits (waking up all those times in the middle of the night to accompany her to murder scenes) and poor diet (all the take out he ate at the station). Yeah, he had let himself go. The old Castle of two years ago would have maintained his athletic build strictly out of narcissism.

Castle continued staring at the mirror, remembering the picture of him on the wall in his tavern. The old Castle would not have let himself follow some police detective around like a little puppy dog, hoping for scraps of affection. _And even less so, if she was involved with another guy! _ He would have said, "Honey, there are more fish in the sea!" and moved on without a second thought. _Why couldn't he do the same?_ Sure, he did not want to leave the precinct. Not solely because of Kate but because he liked the work he did there, helping catch killers, finding justice for the victims. Kate had taught him that and the sense of accomplishment and justice he felt when they eventually caught the killer filled him like nothing else. It gave meaning and purpose to his otherwise vain life. He was contributing to society in a meaningful way. He smiled as he thought it must be similar to Isabella's passion and the euphoria she felt when she gave a client good news.

The more Castle stood there, the more he wondered if he was really a combination of various identities: Richard Alexander Rodgers, the introverted lonely vulnerable boy Damien had first met, who fled into his imagination to find friends and make up stories and Rick Castle, the charming playboy persona, the stud (aka "The White Whale"), the famous millionaire extrovert, life of the party guy, who everyone liked. But those two personas didn't sum him up completely, did they? What about the kind and doting father? The caring and affectionate son his mother had raised? The loyal friend? The guy who donated tons of money to charity? Which of the identities was he? And which identity did Kate see? Perhaps she only saw the playboy and would never get past that. He felt a pang of heartache. _God, he was being pathetic …again._

Castle shivered, feeling the cold in his bones again. He thought the shower would have helped. He quickly moved to his room and dressed, choosing a warm NYPD sweater and cotton gym pants with white athletic socks. He then moved to the kitchen and warmed himself up some hot chocolate. He drank two cups but the respite from the cold was only temporary. He thought about drinking some brandy, but decided not to. _People might think I was becoming an alcoholic!_ Besides, he wanted to be well and sober for his meeting with Kate tomorrow morning, even though he was dreading it. He turned the lights off in the loft and moved to his bed, where he covered himself with his blankets. Still, he could not shake the chill and occasional shiver. Castle stared at the ceiling in vain, seeing the shadows and listening to noise the city made late at night. And it was only March 1st in New York City. It would be awhile before the weather warmed up.

Maybe with everything he had been through and with his Kate problems, the best thing would be to get away for awhile, someplace warm. That scratched the Hamptons off the list. An idea popped into his head and he was filled with nervous energy and excitement, despite the weariness in his body, as he sprung off his bed and ran to the study, grabbing his cell phone. Castle turned his laptop on as he scrolled the list of contacts on his phone. He smiled, as he reminisced.

Kate: You have a guy in the CIA?

Castle: When are you going to learn? I have a guy everywhere.

And he really did. He reached one contact's name and thought Miami…hmmm! He moved to his laptop and searched average temperatures in March in Miami. Average temperature was 75 degrees Fahrenheit. _ Not bad, but I can do better._ Castle scrolled down his list of contacts on his phone again, saying "No, no, too cold, no, no, no..ooh!" He quickly typed in Cancun, Mexico into his laptop and searched average temperatures in March. 86 degrees Fahrenheit! _Nice! Perfect! That's just what I need!_ Castle looked at his watch, it was a little past 11:30 pm. _It's not too late, he'll still be up. _ He dialed his contact and when the male voice picked up, he said, "Ronnie boy, Rick Castle, how you been?"


	6. Chapter 6

"Rick Castle?! Author extraordinaire! Been awhile, what's up buddy? I'm good, enjoying the Mexican sun and women. How's the weather in good ol' NYC? And the family? Alexis and your mom?"

Castle smiled at hearing his old friend's voice, glad that he hadn't caught Ronnie drunk or otherwise occupied. Ronald Brewer always was a notorious ladies' man and it seemed he had not changed much in the five years since Castle had first met him for research on a novel.

"They're good actually, having some fun in the Hamptons. The city is cold as ever, you know it does not warm up here till Memorial Day. So how's the jet-ski rental business treating you, Ronnie?"

Castle chuckled at his own question, knowing full well that his friend was financially secure, his 20+ years as a Navy Seal providing for his economic future. Still, he always liked to chide Ronnie for seeking a job near the water. "It keeps me busy and those pale-faced tourists from up north just go crazy over the skis, like little kids with candy. Hey, it's the perfect job, gives me plenty of time to go fishing and relax, while living off my military pension. And the view, Ricky baby, mmmmm, scrumptious! When you coming down, Ricky, so I can give you a tour of our natural and unnatural wonders?"

Castle smirked, sensing his friend had winked on the other end; Ronnie was never one for verbal subtlety. "Actually, I was thinking of coming down for a couple of weeks, you know, to escape the cold for a little while. Once it gets in your bones, it's hard to get out. So you got some time for me, Ronnie? Just to hang?"

"Thank God, I thought you were coming down for more research. Of course, Ricky, you know you're always welcome. So you going to slum down and stay with me at my place or you gonna throw your money around and get hooked up in some glitzy resort? Just let me know, I got a spare bed for you."

Castle gulped. While it would be cool to hang out with his friend, whom he knew lived alone, he also didn't want to be a third wheel in case Ronnie hooked up with a lady, which was a fairly common occurrence. "I'll get back to you, Ronnie. My trip is 90% sure, just depends on a conversation I need to have with someone tomorrow morning. I'll let you know by then." Castle grimaced, thinking his travel plans depended mainly on what Beckett would say. _God, he was simultaneously hoping for and dreading that conversation._

Castle heard his friend groan in disappointment. "Okay, buddy, just let me know soon and I hope I didn't get my hopes up for nothing. Just think of that weekend in the Maldives, Ricky. It could be like that again! You remember?"

Castle could not help but reminisce about that weekend of debauchery, because really, it couldn't be considered anything else. The numerous girls, the drinking, the skinny dipping, the box of condoms, the christening of each white sand beach down the coast…yeah, it had been wild. It was one of the first things he had thought of when he saw Ronald Brewer's name on his phone contacts list.

"Stop groaning, Ron. I'll let you know tomorrow, buddy. Now, it's late and if we start reminiscing about good old times, I'll be up till 3am and I need to get some sleep."

"Alright, Rick, I'm sure you'll make the right decision. Hope to hear from you tomorrow. Say hi to the family for me. Night."

"Night." With that, Castle terminated the call. He felt better now knowing that even if his conversation with Kate did not go well tomorrow, he had Ronnie there to pick him up. He smiled, remembering meeting the then 45 year-old Navy Seal demolitions expert/instructor in Virginia for research on an underwater climactic scene for a Derrick Storm novel. Ronald Brewer was friendly and engaging and the fact that both of them were on the prowl for women just strengthened their bond. He was glad their friendship had survived despite their long distances, as Ronnie was often parading around the world for business and pleasure.

Castle turned his laptop off, charged his phone, and lay back in bed. He was a bit more relaxed now, though he could still feel the chill. He felt a pit at the bottom of his stomach. _Could he really just go and tell Beckett how he felt about her? _ _What if he got the "I'm sorry but I don't feel the same about you but let's remain friends" speech. Aaargh!_ _This ping pong back and forth was so frustrating!_ No, he would face the music tomorrow, right now was time to sleep. He closed his eyes. _That's it, Rick, just relax. Don't think how Josh and Kate right now are sweating up their mattress and then falling asleep in each other's arms. Don't think how she's screaming his name out in pleasure. God, subconscious, you suck! _ Castle groaned and turned over, trying to forget everything.

He couldn't remember how long it took but eventually, he fell asleep, only to be awakened what felt like ten minutes later by his alarm. It read 7:30 am. He groaned, falling back to the bed, after turning the alarm off. God, he was mentally exhausted and facing Beckett on such a bad night's sleep…maybe he should postpone._ No, man up Castle! Or grow a pair, like Isa told you. You need to do this. _ Castle dragged his sorry butt out of his bed. He grabbed his cell phone and typed a text to Kate.

**I know Montgomery gave us the day off, but I need to talk to you. You free for coffee at 8:30 am at that coffee shop by the station?**

He knew she knew to what shop he was referring. They had passed by it a few times on their way to lunch and he always commented on it. He reviewed the message five times, checking for grammatical errors and tone, before he finally hit Send. He took the phone with him to the bathroom and began undressing. Yeah, that chill down his spine was still there. His phone beeped and Castle hesitantly picked it up. He opened the IM application and read the response.

**Sure, sounds important. See you there.**

Castle let out a sigh, glad she was available, but also wishing she had been busy so he could put this off a little longer.

As the hot water from the shower head covered his head and body, his thoughts wandered back to Kate and their relationship. Why was he going to tell her? T_hey never talked about this stuff!_ It was an unwritten understanding that they were just partners and they never talked about the emotional stuff. The looks, the banter, the undercover kiss. _God, that kiss! _ _Or should he say second kiss?_ He could never forget Beckett's sweet soft moan which accompanied the second one. She had enjoyed it. At least he could tell that. And so had he, of course. _What had he said?_ "That was amazing!" _God, how lame was he._ That's what Beckett did to him, she made him feel like a teenager again, shattering all his playboy confidence, leaving him speechless and stammering. But if he thought hard about it, he liked that feeling. He liked that no other woman could do that to him. So, if he wanted that, if he wanted to feel vulnerable and in awe of her, he had to just confess his feelings of wanting something serious with her. _Yes, that's what he was going to do._ Glad to have found his sense of purpose again, Castle showered quickly, brushed his teeth, and dressed in his jacket, a warm sweater underneath with black jeans and loafers and hailed a taxi to the coffee shop. He was glad he had dressed so warmly when the cold wind hit his face when he stepped out. It felt like 30 degrees or maybe less.

In the taxi, Castle called his mother and Alexis, who confirmed they were driving down and stuck in traffic. He reminded himself to pick up the breakfast treats after his meeting with Kate. He debated before hanging up telling his mother who he was going to meet and why, but decided against it. _ He did not need his mother's help on this. He was a big boy._ When the taxi arrived at its destination, he paid the cabbie and stepped out, taking in a deep breath of courage to relax himself. He looked at his watch and saw that it was 8:23 am. He walked into the coffee shop and looked around but did not see Kate, so he headed to the counter and ordered two coffees, each with specific indications, the act itself ingrained in his head after doing it for so long. He paid for the coffees, took them, and sat down at one of the open tables, waiting for his detective. He took a sip of his coffee, the slow burn of the liquid heating him up and dispelling the chill in his bones, at least temporarily. He looked at the coffee in his hands, staring at the foam container, trying to memorize its texture, the head emanating from it warming his hands. He got lost in his own little world, when he suddenly heard, "Hey Castle, that one for me?"

Castle looked up and saw his detective, Kate Beckett...Kate. He motioned for her to take her coffee, hoping it was still warm, saying "Please sit." As she started to sit on the chair opposite him, he took a second to take in her beauty. She looked stunning, wrapped up by her ruby red wool coat, one he had seen her wear a few times before, a gray scarf twisted snugly around her neck, its ends disappearing under the coat's fabric. She was clad in dark blue jeans wearing her customary 4-inch boots. Castle imagined the wind chill outside had a lot to do with her cheeks being red and her brown locks a little wild. She had a little makeup on and her eyes sparkled, a look of serenity on her face. _Looks like she had a good night! Shut up, subconscious! _ Rick gritted his teeth to avoid yelling at himself.

"So Castle, by the looks of those bags under your eyes, doesn't look like you had a good night? Everything good with Alexis and Martha?"

Castle was touched by her concern for him and his family. "Yes, they're fine, Detective. They are on their way back from the Hamptons actually. Don't know if you know, but I had a hectic day yesterday. Besides, I didn't sleep well." Castle smiled at her, looking down to his coffee, not wanting to get lost in her eyes.

"That's one hell of an understatement, Mr. Castle. And you weren't the only one need I remind you." Beckett laughed, the two of them doing their usual tennis banter. Suddenly her voice turned soft, vulnerable. "By the way, Castle, I didn't get to tell you yesterday verbally, but thank you. God, when I saw that counter reaching zero, I froze, ready to accept the end. But you…you kept your cool, did your usual crazy heroic thing, pulled out all the wires, and saved the day. Like when you shot Dunn's handgun out of his hand, or you shot Kitty in the shoulder, or you beat Lockwood into unconsciousness with your bare hands. You're good under pressure, Castle. Thanks again for yesterday and for being my partner and having my back." Kate's smile spoke volumes as to her gratitude.

Castle grimaced at hearing the word. _Ugh! Partner! Was that all he would ever be?_ Castle recovered quickly, "Beckett, please, I got lucky yesterday and with Dunn also. You, Javier, and Ryan, you are the true heroes, risking your lives every day. I'm just a mystery writer who gets to tag along, but you guys live it, 24/7. But for what it's worth, you're welcome. You've saved my life plenty too." He smiled back at her, his blue eyes full of emotion.

Beckett smiled, though she bit her lip in concern. "So why didn't you sleep well? And what did you need to speak to me about?"

_She is nothing if not direct. _ _I'll think I'll handle that first question please, Alex. _ Castle smiled internally at his Jeopardy reference. "Yeah, couldn't sleep. I have this chill in my bones, from the freezer I think, just couldn't get rid of it." Subconsciously, Castle reached for his coffee, needing for the heat to course through his veins. "You know, like it's embedded deep within me and nothing helped. Hot showers, hot chocolate, 20 blankets, nothing. It feels like when you have the flu but without the fever and cold symptoms, just body chills. Was it just me? Did you feel anything like that last night?" _God, I almost asked her how she slept. Don't want to go there!_

Beckett turned her head a little, thinking about her response. "No. I mean I did feel the chill of the freezer but once I got home, a hot shower cured me. Must be you then, Castle. Maybe it's psychological. It was a traumatic experience." Her look of worry was sweet.

Castle frowned. He had not thought of that. "Maybe, could be. By the way, tell Josh on my behalf thanks for saving my life with that whole freezer thing by contacting the boys. Never got to thank him, as we were so busy. How's he doing? Did you tell him how close we all came to dying?"

Beckett drank from her cup, buying time to answer. "I told him we averted a catastrophe of epic proportions but didn't get into any details. He was quite shaken up by it actually. Told me was worried about me and that he lo.., that he really cared for me." Beckett looked to the side, frustrated at her slip up.

But Castle noticed. _Of course, his mind would notice that. Shit, Josh loves her. _ The pain in his heart magnified. He tried to shake it off, softly saying, "I'm sure he does care about you, Kate. So I guess this changes his plans about Haiti, right? Or is he still going?"

Looking down at the table and refusing to meet his eyes, Kate said, "No, he's not going anymore. He says he's going to stay local so he can see me more often. Guess yesterday's events not only affected you, Castle, but all of us."

So Josh was staying…he really hoped Kate couldn't hear the sound of his heart shattering. He tried to mask his pain, squeezing the coffee cup in his hand, trying to focus on the warmth there. _Now what? Could he really tell her how he felt? Make her choose between him and the surgeon? _ His mind started replaying past conversations about Josh with her.

* * *

Beckett: In fact, he performed a bypass surgery this morning, saved his patient's life. What did you do this morning, Castle?  
Castle: I made waffles.

* * *

Beckett: I wish that I had someone who would be there for me, and I could be there for him, and we could just dive into it together.

* * *

Castle: So your boy's back in town.

Beckett: Mmm-hmm, he came back.

Castle: So what does that mean to you?

Beckett: It means we have a chance.

* * *

Castle shook himself from his reverie, focusing on that last phrase. He clearly remembered the hopefulness and smile on her face, when she had said that, looking longingly at Josh.

_A chance. _

_That is what she wanted. _

_With Dr. Motorcycle-Boy. _

_Not him. _

After all, he was just a millionaire author. Not a life-saving cardiologist. _Who could compete with that? _ And Josh was single, handsome, no kids, no weight of two failed marriages on his resume. Josh and Beckett shared a love of motorcycles, a good match of two great-looking people, no matter how you looked at it. They made sense on paper, much more sense than he and Kate. And more importantly, she looked happy, calm, at peace. The tense issue of Josh leaving town and not being there for her was gone.

_There was no obstacle now to their happiness. _

_Except him. _

So Castle did what he had to, put his crushed heart aside, and forgot all questions about her feelings for him and their possible future.

_She was happy, that was enough for him._

"Castle…Castle!" Beckett's shout reverberated through the coffee shop. "You spaced out on me. You okay? You still haven't told me what you needed to speak to me about. Is that revelation coming anytime soon? Stop stalling and just say it." Kate's look of annoyance reminded Castle of when they first met, when he got on her nerves, many times on purpose.

He smiled, but it didn't reach his eyes, pushed his coffee cup to the side, and said, "Sorry about that Beckett. Yeah, I just wanted to tell you that I need to get away for awhile." He stopped upon seeing her shocked and angry face and quickly added, "Two weeks, Beckett. Not for the summer like last time when I disappeared on you guys and you guys got so pissed. Deservedly so, I might add. That was not cool of me." Beckett's smile told him he had been forgiven for that, at least partially, though he still didn't understand why they had gotten so mad at him, especially her. She was with Tom, though he later found out they had broken up, over the summer he assumed.

Castle stretched his arms, shaking off the sadness and ignoring the effects of the decision he was making.

"Like I told you, I've got this chill in my bones and I think what it needs now is some relaxation in the hot sun." Feeling his confidence returning that he was doing the right thing, he continued. "I've got this buddy of mine who's offered me to stay with him in Cancun and I'm going to take him up on his offer. Besides, after almost dying multiple times in the past two days, I've realized life is too short. Need to grab it by the reins and have some fun while one is young. Carpe Diem Beckett! So, is that okay with you? I mean, I know you and the boys are going to miss me like crazy, but you think you can handle solving some murder cases without me for two weeks?" He smirked, hoping the arrogant Castle persona he was so used to wearing hid his pain from Beckett.

The detective paused and looked down for a second. _Wait, was that disappointment on her face? _ But she quickly recovered and shook her head, smirking back at him, "Yes, Castle, we can manage fine without you. Go, have a fun two weeks. And thanks for letting me know this time. I'm sure the boys will take it much worse not having their buddy around." _Guess not._

Castle laughed weakly, "I'm sure they'll survive. Thanks Beckett for being cool with this." He looked at his watch, needing some excuse to leave as he couldn't bear being this close to her, knowing that he was stepping aside for another guy. "I need to go, Beckett. Alexis and mother get in at 10am and I need to pick up some treats for them or Hurricane Martha will kill me. Have a fun two weeks and be safe without your partner. I'll text you guys when I'm back in town. Say hi to Josh for me. Bye."

"Bye Castle, you take care too. And thanks again for everything." Beckett remained seated as Castle mumbled "No problem" before rushing out the shop. He dared not look back at what he was giving up.

**A/N: Caskett-shippers, don't throw stones at me! You knew this was coming, it's in the summary of the story! :-) Sorry, it took so long for me to get here. Again, thanks to the followers and reviews, really appreciate the comments and mistakes you have pointed out. Obviously, Ronnie is a creation of mine, and we'll be seeing him in the next chapter when Castle goes to Mexico! As for Josh, this is my version of what would happen if he didn't have to travel abroad all the time, like on the show, leaving Kate alone (how convenient). And I could see him falling in love with Kate and telling her, especially after learning she almost died in a bomb explosion. He beat you to it, Castle! ;-) And yes, Rick is a bit of a coward when it comes to Kate and his feelings but we still love him. Hope you're still enjoying the ride. Later!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Okay, here is the next chapter. As always, Castle does not belong to me, etc.. Sorry for the delay! RL got in the way and I hope it was worth the wait. Sorry, the non-Mexico part ran long but I will get Castle to Cancun in the next chapter. Appreciate all the reviews and follows! Later!**

Richard Castle left the coffee shop in a haze, not even noticing the chilly New York morning air, as he hailed a taxi and gave the cabbie instructions to the breakfast eatery to pick up the treats for his mother and Alexis. The pain in his heart was all too real as he tried not to think about her, his Kate, and what he had given up. _Damn, this scene seemed too familiar. _ Numb with pain and stuck in a taxi. And it was too early in the morning to drown his sorrows in alcohol. Was it just yesterday that he had been in the same position and for the same reasons? _God, this couldn't become a routine._ Oh, why hadn't he just been direct and honest with Beckett, like Isa had told him? Put himself out there and let the chips fall where they may. _God, he felt like such a coward! _ Trying to be all noble and self-sacrificing by giving up the one thing he wanted so she could be happy. That wasn't his style. After all, he was the immature, self-centered, egotistical jackass, wasn't he? At least that was the image of him out there, in the public eye, in Kate's eyes. He knew that's what she thought of him, from the very beginning of their "relationship." Sure, she had seen the real man in glimpses, come to see him as a caring father to Alexis and noble son and friend, but perhaps you never forget a first impression.

And yes, she had verbally expressed to him yesterday that she wanted a chance with Josh. If she had any interest in him, she wouldn't have told him that. Kate Beckett may be guarded and a lot of things, but she wasn't a liar. At least she had never lied to him about anything important. So he gave her what she wanted: a chance with Josh.. by stepping aside. But was he just letting himself off the hook and not facing the real reason he had given her up: fear of rejection? Could he, the master playboy, the White Whale, really be so insecure? After all, once he had become a famous novelist, he had not experienced much rejection in his life. Sure, he remembered Kyra leaving him at the train station and the number of times his first manuscript In a Hail of Bullets had been rejected by publishers around the city. But since hitting it big, no, not much.

After all, he was the handsome, rich, charismatic author, who could have any woman he wanted. Perhaps, the last rejection was finding out Meredith had cheated on him. Yeah, that had hurt and more than his ego. With Gina, the decision to end the marriage had been mutual. With all other women, he always ended the relationship..whenever he got bored or realized it had run its course. However, with Kate, he had experienced rejection since the very beginning, when she had turned down his offer to go to dinner and debrief each other. But instead of turning him off, it excited and challenged him…to conquer her. But after 2+ years at her side, he had to admit the reality staring him in the face: her rejection now would cause him such heartache because…_c'mon, admit it, Rick_..he had fallen in love with her. Yeah, no denying it now, or trying to pass it off as just a "friendship" or "partnership". But she didn't want him..or she wasn't ready for the emotional intimacy he wanted to offer her. After all, he didn't just want to love her; he wanted to open his heart to her, bring her into his life, his home, his family. That was the only way he knew how to love: utterly and completely. And for a reserved person such as Kate, who had spent the last 10 years with the pain of her mother's murder on her conscience and heart, there was no way she was ready to open up to him.

Perhaps, it was safer with Josh. He wasn't as needy and he hadn't reopened her mother's case behind her back. Castle was aware that Kate had forgiven him for that transgression over a year ago, but he knew the Pandora's box he had unleashed couldn't be so easily forgiven and he still hadn't forgiven himself, for putting her life in danger. He knew Lockwood was not the ending, but only the beginning and that Kate's life was at peril from the _Dragon_…all because of him. The taxi arrived at the eatery and Castle exhaled. The ache in his heart was still there but it had lessened. Perhaps, his stream of thoughts had made him realize that even if he hadn't fully resolved his feelings with Beckett by being honest with her, at least now he felt better for giving her up. Given everything he had done, it was clear that Josh was the better choice for Kate. Castle sighed and just hoped he could live with that, as he entered the store.

An hour later, Castle was back home, the breakfast treats nice and warm and ready to be served. As he looked around the table, he realized he had gone overboard and bought too much, but he felt he had a right to spoil his mother and daughter. After all, after the ordeal he had been through yesterday, literally one second from blowing up, he had the right to celebrate life. Just then, he heard the loft door open and he screamed "Alexis!" as he ran towards his daughter and picked her up in a bear hug, barely giving her enough time to put her suitcase down.

"Dad, dad, calm down, Grams and I have only been gone a day." Alexis' laughter in his ear was the best sound he ever heard and he could never tell her how close he had come to dying, so he put her down.

"Sorry, baby, you know me. I just miss you when I'm not with you."

"No worries, Dad. I know how overprotective you get. Mmm, what smells so good?" Castle smiled, as his daughter left him to go to the kitchen.

"Not chopped liver, here? A little help!" Castle laughed and looked at his mother struggling with her own suitcase and walked over, gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek. "I also missed you, mother." Martha waggled her eyebrows and whispered, "Kiddo, I know a whole lot almost went down here that you're not telling but for Alexis' sake, we'll talk about it later when she goes upstairs."

Castle saw the knowing look in his mother's eyes, the ones that told he wasn't fooling her, so he resigned himself to say "Yes, mother", as he followed her to the kitchen.

"Dad! Did you buy the whole store out? Look at all this food!" The counter was covered in breakfast pastries of all kinds.

"Richard, honestly, do you expect us to eat all of that?!"

"What? I didn't want my two favorite ladies dying of hunger. Besides, I'll eat any of the leftovers."

"Dad, umm, have you seen yourself lately? I think you've been eating too many leftovers as it is!"

Castle looked down at his gut and pouted. "Gee, just kick a guy while he's down, why don't you?"

"Richard, she's just having some fun with you. But it wouldn't kill you to get on a treadmill. I'm just saying!"

"Okay, okay, I get both of your not so subtle hints. I will start exercising and lose some weight."

"Good, Dad, we do it because we care. I'm surprised Detective Beckett and the boys haven't given you grief over your love handles." Alexis and his mother chuckled, while Castle winced a little at hearing her name. He hoped no one had noticed but as always, his mother had but she decided to ignore it for now.

"All right, enough about weight gain. I will start exercising…tomorrow. Right now, I call dibs on that jelly donut!"

_45 minutes later_

The breakfast meal had been delicious, as the trio discussed last night's activities, the drive home, Martha's sleeping habits, and by the end, everyone's stomach was full and their faces hurt from so much laughter. Alexis excused herself as she carried her suitcase upstairs, leaving Castle and his mother alone.

"Okay, kiddo, what was so bad that we had to flee the city?"

Castle knew he had to unload himself of the burden of knowing how close he had come to dying and who better to do it than with his mother. He told her about the dirty bomb, being trapped in the freezer, chasing down the van, and seeing the clock ticking down before pulling out the wires.

"My god, Richard", Martha said, with tears in her eyes. "You are the bravest most reckless son ever!"

That caused Castle to burst out laughing. "What, mother? It always worked in the cartoons! Besides, I didn't know what else to do. So, how does it feel to have a son who saved New York City? A real American hero?" Castle grinned and stuck out his chin and adopted an exaggerated superhero pose.

His mother just slapped him on the shoulder, causing him to yell "Ow"!

"Just be glad you're alive and stop playing around. Please, Richard, stop putting yourself in these dangerous situations. A mother can only take so much."

"Mother, please. I'm helping, I feel useful putting murderers behind bars. Like I'm making a difference, you know? It's very satisfying."

Martha rolled her eyes. "Are you sure that's the reason you stick around and not some gorgeous brown-haired detective? Come on, Richard, I'm your mother. I know you're in love with her."

_God, he had just admitted it to himself about 2 hours ago and his mother knew all along?! So not fair!_

"You're right, mother, I am, but I decided to give her up and move on."

"What? Why would you do something so stupid? Is this about that surgeon you told me she's dating?"

Castle sighed and proceeded to tell his mother about Kate asking for a chance with Josh and their conversation from earlier in the day. Thankfully, instead of berating him, his mother felt sympathy for him.

"Oh, Richard, are you sure? Maybe if you just told her how you feel? I'm sure she'd choose you over him and you could finally be happy. Be selfish! Fight for her."

Castle's eyes suddenly sparked for a second before he snuffed out the hope. "No, mother, I am sure. I put her in danger. She deserves to be happy. And I'm giving her up to a well-off handsome cardiac surgeon, with whom she rides motorcycles. She will definitely not be suffering." Castle tried to laugh at his joke but his smile did not reach his eyes.

"What about you, Richard? How are you going to be?" His mother's tone was so…_motherly_ and full of concern that it shocked him. Castle tended to forget how much his mother really loved him, despite their verbal spars and complaints.

"I'll be fine. I just think I need to get away for a few days. Go celebrate life and most importantly, not see Beckett on a daily basis. It will help. Speaking of that, can you watch over Alexis for a few weeks? Remember Ronnie, that Navy Seal I did research with. He's offered me to come down and stay with him in Cancun. I definitely need to be in warm weather so I can get rid of this chill in my bones."

"Cancun?! Sounds lovely. Sure, I can watch Alexis, make sure she's behaving with her boyfriend, so you can rest easy. Do what you have to do. I agree that you need a change of scenery to get over her. Say hi to Ronnie for me. Just don't get into too much trouble. You're not as young as you used to be. When do you plan on leaving?"

"Tomorrow night. I thought we could celebrate with a movie marathon today with you and Alexis and then maybe Alexis and I can go to the movies tomorrow afternoon and then I can catch a flight out at 6pm and be in Mexico by 10pm."

"Sounds great. Let me just take a beauty nap after all that food and we can start the movie marathon at one o'clock. And Richard, darling, I hope you know I'm here to talk whenever you want to."

"Thanks, mother. I appreciate it more than you know." Castle squeezed his mother's hand. With that, Martha went upstairs, shooting Castle a smile of love and understanding.

Castle looked up and thanked God for the family in his life. With their love and support, he knew he was going to be okay.


	8. Chapter 8

***Just wanted to say to all the followers, sorry for the long delay between updates but RL interfered! However, things have calmed down and the updates should flow with much more frequency! Thanks to all who have enjoyed and followed and favorited the story! Later!**

**Again, I do not own nor profit from Castle or any of its properties!**

The DVD movie marathon of the Lord of the Rings trilogy, uncut versions, took up most of the day, especially when the Castle family stopped to order food or pause the DVDs in order for Castle to point out to Alexis and his mother some special effect he particularly enjoyed. After the fourth time, both women yelled at Castle to stop and though he pouted for awhile, the day passed with much laughter and joy. Castle couldn't remember the last time he had enjoyed himself so much, simply being with his family. He guessed that after the bomb incident, he would never ever take these important moments for granted again. By the end of the marathon, the three of them were full of Chinese food and ice cream and at 11:00 pm, Alexis and his mother said good night and went to sleep. Though he still felt a chill in his bones, his tiredness allowed Castle to thankfully find sleep pretty quickly without thinking of _her_.

The next morning, Castle woke up and reserved a private jet for his flight to Cancun and booked his hotel room. He didn't exploit his wealth much but when it came to flying, he had no qualms about flying privately and avoiding the long lines at check-in, the baggage issues, etc. He also called Ronnie to tell him the good news that he would be arriving that night and gave him the jet company information. Ronnie's squeals of delight almost left him deaf and his friend promised to pick him up. Castle spent most of the morning packing and going out to buy some travel essentials, such as new razors, shaving cream, and a new toothbrush. At 1:00 pm, he met with Alexis and they went to the theater to see Unknown, the latest Liam Neeson thriller. Castle had loved him in Taken so he was excited to see this movie, as was Alexis. Afterwards, they both agreed that while the movie had some merit, it paled in comparison to Taken. While they were in the cab on their way back home, Alexis looked at her father, eyes full of questions.

"Dad, I know some major crisis was averted here in the city, which you and Grams are obviously keeping from me. And I'm glad you're safe. But this, you leaving for a couple of weeks on vacation, alone. This worries me. Is something wrong? C'mon dad, be honest with me. What's going on?"

Castle smiled at his little girl. So intuitive, so intelligent. He was so proud of her and he loved her so much. "Nothing sweetie, honestly. You know, it's just my job, my private consulting if you want to call it that, it all revolves around the precinct and the boys and the Captain and Beckett. My writing with Nikki Heat and Rook and Roach, it all revolves around the police work. Besides you and your Grams and my poker buddies, who do I hang out, other than the precinct crew? Ronnie, he's a friend, someone outside of this core group and I just think I need to go hang out and have some fun. Besides, it's Mexico, in balmy weather! I just think I need a change of scenery for a little while. To refresh my batteries, you know? If it bothers you too much, I can cancel and stay."

Alexis studied her father to see if he was hiding something from her but he seemed sincere in his plea and as a teenager, she could understand his need to go wind down and relax. With a smile on her face, she said, "No, Dad. I understand. Thanks for being honest with me. Go have fun and be careful. Remember, I won't be there to bail you out of jail. And young man, I want you home at a reasonable hour every night!"

Castle broke into laughter and hugged his daughter, kissing her on the crown of her head. "I love you, honey. And I'll behave, trust me."

A couple of hours later, he kissed his mother and daughter goodbye as he boarded the car sent for him by the private jet company. An hour later, Castle was airborne, the solo passenger on the four-hour trip to Cancun. Though he tried to fight it, his thoughts went to Beckett and what she would doing during his absence. Probably getting closer to Josh. That thought just ate at his heart but it had been his decision. He could have told her how he felt. _Stop feeling sorry for yourself. You chose this so live with it! _Yeah, he could do that. _Forget about her and just have fun. _A Cyndi Lauper song about girls and fun began playing through his head but Castle stopped himself before he sung the lyrics aloud and embarrassed himself.

A few hours later, Castle strode out of the terminal bags in his hands into the Mexican night. A wave of warm air hit him, as the temperature was 72 degrees Fahrenheit at 10:00 at night! God, he loved this place already. "Ricky, kid!" Castle turned to his right to see Ronnie waiting for him. He looked exactly the same as in his Navy Seals days: older, tanned, muscular, with a jovial smile on his face. Castle went up to him and they embraced. "Good to see you Ronnie, thanks for the pick up."

"No problem, Ricky, though I see you're getting big in the belly." Ronnie patted Castle in the stomach, as he turned and led Castle to the parking lot. "What's up with that, Ricky? You know I don't stand for obesity."

Castle cringed at that remark. He was a little chubby but obese...sheesh! "Yeah, yeah. I know. I've let myself go. Too much pizza and fast food at the precinct."

"Don't worry, Ricky. I got you for two weeks, **soldier**. I'll get you back down in no time." Ronnie gave Castle an evil grin.

Castle protested, "Oh, c'mon Ronnie. I'm here on vacation, not to join a gym!"

"And what happened to the stubble? The bad boy look?! You show all up all fresh shaven and fat. Jesus, I hardly recognized you!" Ronnie burst into laughter, as they reached his open-air Jeep Wrangler. Castle could tell he loved giving him a hard time.

"Things change, Ronnie. People mature." Castle looked to the horizon looking melancholic, as he finished his sentence. He had changed these past three years..._for her_. He thought becoming a better person would endear him to her. _Yeah, that had worked out so well! _

"Ooooh, I know that look, Ricky. That's girl trouble. Get in. Your place is like 20 minutes away."

Castle hopped up into the passenger seat, as Ronnie turned the car on and began driving. Castle just admired the view, the lights and the weather. The chill was gone and he hoped it would stay away.

"Okay, Ricky, spill. I know we're boys and all but for you to leave your mother and daughter to come see me, it must be serious. What happened in New York?"

Castle took a deep breath. Ronnie had been a Navy Seal and he trusted him with his life. If he could unload with anyone, it would be with him. So he recounted his last case with Beckett: the stranded taxi cab, the radiation threat, the freezer, the domestic terrorist plot, and finally the bomb ending with his heroic antics! Ronnie screamed, "You've got to be shitting me, Ricky! You're going to tell me you disarmed a dirty bomb by pulling out the wires?!"

Castle smiled, proudly, "Yes, yes, I did." That earned him a slap on the back from his friend who laughed loud and boisterously. "And then I bet the girl, this Beckett cop chick, leaped into your arms, right?"

"Actually, yeah, she did." Castle swallowed, remembering how tightly they had hugged when they realized they were going to live. _God, how good she felt and how great her hair smelled._

"I knew it! You hound dog, Ricky! I bet the sex that night with her was off the charts, right? C'mon, you can tell me."

"Actually, she went home with her boyfriend that night and I went home alone." Castle stared out the passenger window, the fresh breeze chilling his face.

"What the fuck, Rick? What's wrong with this Beckett chick? You stayed with her through a bomb, Rick, a fucking bomb! When you could have left hours ago and been with your family outside the city. How could she not appreciate your sacrifice to be there with her? Is she blind or something?"

"To be honest, Ronnie, it's not all her fault. I haven't been honest about my feelings with her and she's in a relationship with another guy. And she told me that's what she wanted. And I haven't pushed the issue with her." Castle found it odd he was defending Beckett to Ronnie instead of piling on her all his troubles, but it was only fair.

"So you're going to tell me, staying with her and almost dying with her in the freezer and then again in front of the bomb, that was the first time you ever did anything like that for her? I know you, Rick. It's one of your best qualities. You're loyal to a fault, especially with the people you care about."

Castle let out a sigh. "Actually, no. I ran into a burning building to save her once. I've saved her life by tackling her to the floor before she was shot at least a couple of times. I knocked out a trained killer with my bare hands, whom I tackled right before he was about to shoot her. I shot the gun out the hand of a serial killer. Okay, yeah, I've done crazy stuff like that all the time since I met her. And still she sees me as only a partner and friend. Nothing more serious. I guess that's why I've decided to move on."

"Jesus, Ricky. If I didn't know you, I'd think you were making all this shit up. Seriously? This sounds more like a TV show or one of your works of fiction than real life...burning buildings, serial killers, trained assassins, dirty bombs! You should send this script to Hollywood!" Ronnie laughed again, as he continued driving.

Castle's voice was low and dejected. "Yeah, I wish. It's all true."

"Look, Rick, I know how you write. If you based Nikki Heat on her and from what I've read, if Beckett's anything like her fictional counterpart, she's had issues since her mother was killed. So yeah, naturally, she was going to put up walls between her and the world, to never feel pain like that again. I was a Seal Rick. It's natural, a defense mechanism to protect ourselves. And on top of that, she's a cop so she's seen the dregs of society and the truly evil nature of man. That girl is damaged -" Ronnie stopped himself as he saw the dirty look Castle was giving him. "Okay, not damaged. I just mean it's going to take a man with the patience of a saint to wait for her to resolve all of her issues. And that's not you, Rick. If it hasn't happened in three years...hos much longer does she expect you to wait? I just think you should move on, like you said. You wear your heart on your sleeve, kid. Your emotions overflow from you, no matter how hard you try to keep them hidden. Mix that with a guarded person who's suffered tragedy in her life, who will think and re-think things 3-4 times before making a decision and it does not bode well. Just speaking from the heart here."

"Maybe you're right." Castle saw some sense in Ronnie's words and he stayed quiet, thinking maybe the past three years had been a waste of time. Maybe he and Beckett were not compatible. _Not magical._ Ronnie had been able to decipher her issues in minutes, while it had had taken him years to fully understand Beckett's walls. _Had he really wasted all this time?_

After a few minutes of silence in the car, the wind buzzing in his ears, Ronnie spoke again. "Hey Rick, I've been meaning to ask you something about your books. You know I read them all, ever since Derrick Storm."

"Yeah, Ronnie, what's up?" Castle's dejected voice was evident to both of them.

"I know you're supposed to be this acclaimed, brilliant, and famous mystery author, right? I know Rook is based on you. And you based Don the ex-Navy Seal, and Nikki's sometimes lover and sparring partner, on me. Thanks for that by the way. Loved the shout out. And Montrose is based on your precinct's captain, right? So Rook-Castle, Don-Ron, Montrose-Montgomery...I thought you writers were supposed to be creative and shit! What the fuck is up with that? A second grader could come up with those aliases!" Ronnie burst into laughter and seconds later, Castle joined him, crying from the tears. God, he knew his friend was purposefully trying to break him out of the funk he had put himself in and he was never more thankful.

"What can I say, Ronnie? Sometimes, the best answer is the simplest one!" Castle smiled and laughed, wiping away his tears, as he hadn't done since the bomb incident. Yeah, he could still find fun in life "And you know what, **Don**, keep criticizing my literary skills and I might just kill you off in my next book!"

Ronnie turned to Castle with a serious look in his eyes. "Don't forget Ricky. I'm a Seal and I know where you live!" More laughter ensued as the two friends rode in the car.


	9. Chapter 9

****Thank you all for reading and following this story and I promise to churn out the chapters at a much quicker pace than I have been doing lately. Thanks for sticking with it and as always, I own nothing of Castle or its properties, or I would have hooked them up years ago!****

As the laughter died down in the jeep, Castle remembered his family and quickly pulled out his cell phone to call and let them know he had arrived safe and sound. His mother picked up and she quickly called Alexis over, while Castle put the phone on speaker so Ronnie could say hi to the family. After a few minutes of chatting with Castle telling them how great the weather was and after Alexis made Ronnie promise to bail her father out of jail if he got into any trouble, the call ended with many chants of "I love you" and "Have fun, Dad!" Ronnie looked enviously at Castle, "You have a great family there, Ricky. You're a lucky guy." Castle nodded, appreciatively. "Thanks. Ever since the bomb incident, I've come to realize how truly blessed I am to have them in my life. Speaking of kids and family, how's Emma? Still studying in California?" Ronnie smiled at the mention of his daughter, now 21 years of age, attending Stanford. "Great memory there, Rick, as always. Yeah, she's doing great. Thank God! I always thought my divorcing her mother would ruin her life, but she's beating the odds. She graduates next year. You'll have to come for the graduation. She promised she would come down and see me for Father's Day this year. She's spending Spring Break with her mom in Miami." Castle nodded in agreement, as he had not seen Emma in years and despite his philandering ways, his friend was a really good father. Despite he and Ron's numerous differences, it was the small things, like their loyalty to their friends and their love for their daughters that bonded them.

Ronnie turned the vehicle onto Blvd. Kukulkan, the equivalent of Miami's South Beach or Las Vegas' Strip, and Castle was amazed by the numerous hotels stacked one after the other on the beachfront property. The smell of the ocean overwhelmed him and when the jeep was parked at a red light, Castle could swear he could hear the crashing of the waves on the beach. It was paradise and his eyes lit up, as he swerved his head all over to catch the sights. He heard Ronnie chuckle and mutter, "Like a kid in a candy shop." Castle did not let the comment deter him. That's who he was, a kid at heart, who looked for magic in everyday things. And sometimes, he found it. A few minutes later, Ronnie pulled into the eleven-story gorgeous hotel known as the ME Cancun, a five-star luxury resort with mesmerizing views of the beach, which was about 100 feet away. Castle just marveled at the beauty, cleanliness, and elegance of the place.

"Not that I'm complaining, Ronnie, but I'd never heard of the ME Cancun before you advised me to book my room here. I was thinking about reserving a place at the Ritz-Carlton. ""The Ritz is okay, Ricky, but for a famous novelist like you, this is the place to be. Besides, my place is like two blocks away from here." Ronnie tried to hide his smile, as he carried Castle's bag into the hotel, while leaving his jeep with the valet. Castle followed, trying to keep up with the ex-Navy Seal's quick pace. "Rick, did you book the ocean side suite, like I recommended?" "Yes, Sir!" Ronnie rolled his eyes, as he stopped, turned, and saw Castle standing at attention, the smirk on his face priceless. "Okay, Rick, stop the bullshit and be serious." "I will, when you stop acting like a mother hen." Castle chuckled as he strode past Ronnie and proceeded to check in. A few minutes later, with key card in hand, he came back, an excited look on his face. "Hey, I got a suite on the first floor! The beach and ocean will literally be a stone's throw from my bed. Good thing I came early and beat the Spring Break crowd, huh?" Ronnie laughed aloud as they walked toward the room, waving off the attendant who offered to escort them. "Rick, I'm pretty well acquainted with the prices in this place. Trust me, no college kids were going to shell out that kind of money for a hotel room! They'd most likely save their money for all the alcohol they're going to consume!" Castle filed away a thought: _Never let Alexis come here alone! _

Then he felt the need to defend himself. "Hey, the prices here are not that bad, compared to five-star New York hotel prices. You're lucky I didn't go for the ME Suite. With its four bedrooms, three balconies, and six bathrooms, it goes for about $5000 a night. I was tempted and the girl at the front desk was dying for me to say yes, but given the fact that it's just little old me, I thought it might be just a tad excessive. What do you think?" Both friends shared a laugh as they reached the room and entered. The room, similar to the rest of the resort, was just gorgeous, with its over-sized windows, private hot tub, designer art on the walls, 32' flat screen TV, and host of other amenities. Castle, as always, just felt blessed that his writing allowed him to stay in places like this without batting an eyelash at the daily rate. He had been lucky and persistent in his career and he was thankful . "Wow, Castle, just wow. I've passed by this place so many times but to see it in person, just wow." Castle took his luggage to the master bedroom and he yelled out, "Ronnie, get us some food and drink. It's only 10:45pm and I'm not too tired yet."

30 minutes later, room service appeared with the two orders of burgers and a six-pack of Corona beers wedged with limes. For a second, Castle thought of Isabella with her Corona in hand at the Old Haunt. Castle tipped the waiter and escorted him out, as he smiled at Ronnie, "Really? Corona beers?" "Hey, Rick, when in Rome.. Besides, I was thinking about ordering some tequila, but I read Heat Wave, Rick, and I didn't want you getting any ideas of recreating any Nikki-Rook scenes in here with me! " The laughter just erupted from Castle, though he did think of Kate in that instant and of how he had crafted that tequila scene with her in mind when he wrote it down. He shook the thought from his head. "Fair enough, Ronnie, Coronas it is then." They clinked their bottles and proceeded to devour their burgers while sitting at the dining table. Ronnie was the first to speak, as he opened another bottle for he and Castle. "Rick, I'm sorry I brought up Nikki earlier. I saw the wince in your face. It still hurts you to think of her, Kate, right?"

Castle stood up and moved to the screen door and opened it, as he stared at the ocean, gathering his thoughts. "Yeah, Ronnie. It's been three years of my life, you know? I've never wanted someone this badly and not just for sex, but for the long haul and to not get her, it leaves a painful and sour taste. And worse, for me to fall in love with Kate and for her to not even see it, in my face, my actions, hell, my words! How can everyone else see it when they look at me but not her? It just hurts. I know she's a guarded person but you know what the worst part is? If she was that way with everyone, then I'd be okay with it. But for her to openly date other guys in front of me during the past three years...Will, Tom, Josh. And then to tell me, she's looking for someone serious to dive into it together...that just means she's never seen me as an option. I've never been good enough. So, have I just wasted three years of my life on a girl who's never going to see the real me? Never going to risk her heart for me?"

Ronnie stood silent, listening to his friend unload his thoughts and feelings so freely."Wow, Rick, that was deep. Was it the Mexican breeze or the beer that inspired you?" Castle caught himself and smiled. "Yeah, you're right, I'm getting too serious for being on vacation." "Seriously, Rick, I can't answer those questions for you, only you can. I haven't lived what you have these past three years. I don't know what you feel when you see Kate, when you brush up against her, when you see her smile. I can only speak from what I hear from afar. A sentimental guy like you falling for someone so reserved and guarded with her emotions...I just see it heading for trouble. Always you following her lead, always too afraid of going too fast or getting too serious for fear you might scare her off. Always holding your natural bubbly self back with her. That's now how a relationship should work, Rick. It's not one person always following the other's lead. It's about walking the path together, making mistakes together and picking each other up when the other falls. At least, that's what a fortune cookie, one divorce and numerous other failed relationships have taught me."

Castle nodded his head before breaking into laughter, "Maybe you're right. After all, you are my elder and I should listen to you." "Screw you, Rick. I may turn fifty in August, but I can still kick your ass any day, anytime. But seriously, Rick, I think you electing to move on and forget Kate will help you in the long run. And there's a saying in Spanish that's popular among the locals when it comes to relationship problems that's appropriate here: Un clavo saca otro clavo!" Castle stood there perplexed and turned around. He had forgotten most of the Spanish he had learned in high school but he did remember "clavo" was the Spanish word for nail. Seeing Castle's confused look, Ronnie chuckled and said with a salacious grin, "Basically, the gist is, the best way to get over someone is to get under someone new. And these two weeks, I'll be here to help you with that. Just stick with me Ricky boy and I'll take you to the best places to pick up women." Castle held his hands up and waved Ronnie off. "No, Ron, I came here to get away from Kate and relax and sulk a little, not to hook up with women. Hell, if I wanted that, I could have stayed in New York. I already know the best places there. Ronnie, I am just looking to relax, get a tan, and maybe lose a few pounds, as my mother and daughter constantly remind me. But that's it, okay?" Ron turned serious, "Wow, this Kate really did a number on you. Okay, Rick, I can help with the losing weight and the fun part and we'll take it from there. Now click on that TV, put on SportsCenter, while I go take a leak." _Always classy, Ron._

The next couple of hours passed with Castle and Ron watching sports, finishing the beers, talking about their families and their daughters, and the members of Ron's old Seals unit. There was much laughter among the friends and by the time 2:30 am rolled around, Ronnie looked at his watch and said it was time to go. He promised he would stop by and pick Castle up bright and early to start their exercise regimen. As they shook hands goodbye, Castle could clearly see the mischievous look in his friend's eyes that told him there was no way in hell Ron was going to abide by the "no setting me up with girls" clause of the vacation plan. But he was too tired to argue and just gave his friend a pat on the back and closed the door. Castle wandered over to the King size bed and fell on the silk sheets, his eyes closing immediately. Before he drifted off to sleep, that last thing he thought was how he didn't feel the cold chill from the freezer in his bones any longer.

The next thing he thought was _What the hell_, as he felt himself forcibly shaken! He opened his eyes to see Ron standing over him, dressed in a tank top and shorts, reaching over to the bedside table and handing him a cup of coffee. "Time to wake up, Ricky boy!" Castle squinted and peered to the clock radio and saw it was 8:00 am and he could hear the sound of the waves in the background. "How did you get into my room?" "You left the screen door open. And you slept in your clothes! Guess you were more tired than you let on. Drink your coffee, take a shower, and put on some comfortable shorts, sneakers, and a t-shirt. We're going jogging." Castle shook his head, still feeling the mild effect of the three beers he had and hoping to God he was still in some nightmare. "Look Ronnie, you know, maybe we could start the workout thing tomorrow. I just want to go back to sleep."

Ronnie shook his head no. "Sorry Ricky, I promised your mother and daughter I would return you back to them in tip-top shape so you're coming with me. Up to you if it's willingly or dragged by your hair." Castle hoped his friend was joking but when he looked at Ron's face, he was as serious as a heart attack so he drank his coffee and groaned...and pouted. But it had no effect on the ex-Navy Seal who gave him 15 minutes to get ready or else. Castle knew better than to find out what "or else" meant so he finished his coffee and jumped in the shower.

14 minutes and 57 seconds later, he stepped out of his bedroom ready to go, his wet hair falling over his forehead. "Really, Rick? A Green Lantern t-shirt? How old are you again?!" Castle looked back at Ron aghast, "Hey, this shirt is cool so don't you dare mock it. And to answer your last question, younger than you, so let's go do this." Ron smiled, so used to his friend's antics after all these years. They stepped out on to the beach through the screen door and started jogging east, along the shoreline. It was not too warm and just right for running, although Castle was never a big fan of exercise. Kate was the one who into that sort of thing: running, yoga, martial arts..._damn, no thinking of Kate, Rick. You're on vacation! _

As they continued their morning jog, Ron pointed out his jet-ski business, the numerous hotels, and the tourists coming to take an early dip in the beach, especially the women. Sure there were a few mature ladies, but the majority were in their 20s, 30s, and 40s, most of them showing off their bikini-clad bodies and Castle's loins started to churn at the sight of the women walking to the beach, a few of them tossing smiles at him. "Good to see you haven't lost your touch, Rick, eh? I was worried you might become celibate after your problems with the Detective." Castle noted how his friend was purposefully not referring to her as Kate and he silently thanked him for that. "No, no chance of that." His mouth felt dry at the sight of the women. "Oh my goodness and you see this every day?" Castle had to gawk and do a double take as he noticed a 20-something woman coming out of the sea seemingly in slow motion, at least to his eyes, hair and body dripping with water, reminding him of those Baywatch scenes. "Yeah, Ricky boy, every day. Life is good. C'mon, pick up your tongue and try to keep up." Ronnie laughed and sprinted away and Castle rushed to catch up. Yeah, a vacation like this is just what he needed and if the women looked anything like the one he just saw, then maybe the no hookup clause would have to be modified. _ Most definitely! _


	10. Chapter 10

****Hope this posting rate is better! Again, thank you all for your reviews, follows, and comments! Next chapter will be the last in Mexico and then we'll get back to NYC and the rest of the gang and story! There's some mild sex in this chapter but I tried to keep it within the "T" rating. Hopefully, I succeeded. As always, I own no rights to Castle or ABC. **

_OOMPH!_ Castle's body twisted in mid-air and his back hit the mat hard, as he looked up stunned. The images of the bikini-clad women from the beach earlier prancing around in his imagination were definitely gone, having been replaced by the pain shooting up his back and the air leaving his lungs. God, he had thought the running with Ronnie had almost killed him, his T-shirt drenched with sweat and his body aching all over afterwards. But no! Then Ronnie had suggested he needed some self-defense classes, some CQC (Close Quarters Combat) lessons and with his friend, he realized there was no point in arguing with him. "C'mon Ricky boy, no time for resting. Let's do it again." Castle groaned and picked himself off the mat in Ronnie's personal gym. "Yeah, easy for you to say, Ronnie. You've been doing this shit for years and I'm the one eating mat each time. When do I get to do the tossing around?" Ronnie smiled and chuckled at his friend's annoyance and flushed face. "That hip toss there is what you should do when an attacker rushes you, you grab and turn away from him, using his momentum and weight to throw him to the ground. Once there, he's at your mercy. Ricky, you've got to learn this stuff, especially when you accompany those detectives of yours. God forbid somebody gets past them and rushes you. I can't believe they let you tag along all this time and they've never even given you basic self-defense courses." Castle wondered about that too, not that thankfully he had been in many hand-to-hand combat situations since shadowing Beckett. Well, there had been the jewel thief who landed on the hood of the car while he was otherwise occupied, pretending he was a cop. That punch had stung but at least he had gotten a cool shiner and a story out of it.

Castle got to his feet. "Hey, Ronnie, give me some credit. I tackled a trained assassin just as he was about to shoot Kate, remember? And I knocked him out cold before he could react." Castle hoped Ronnie would ease up on him for that or give him some credit, but his friend's serious face, told him otherwise. "Rick, you got lucky, that was more adrenaline than anything. Seriously, that guy could have hurt you...bad. Now, watch, listen, and learn, as I teach you the hip toss again." Ronnie pantomimed the movements: the position, the grab, the positioning of the legs, and the toss. Upon being prompted, Castle rushed him and again and again he ate mat. Ronnie smiled as helped Castle up, "Good, tomorrow we'll see if any of this stuck and you'll do the tossing. Now, on to the next lesson. When you want to take an opponent down quickly with the least amount of resistance or because he is armed, you turn to Krav Maga. Quick and hard fist or elbow strikes to your assailant's vulnerable areas, like the throat, groin, knee and elbow joints. If done right, this will stun your opponent long enough to incapacitate him or to run away, if you feel it's too dangerous to stay." Castle's panicked look on his face made Ronnie laugh out loud. "Calm down Rick, I'm just going to teach you the techniques, not actually hit you." Castle looked relieved, he didn't think his body could take any more punishment. In fact, he had never worked out this hard in his life. He wasn't one for having a muscle builder's body, he preferred the lean look. And as for self-defense, he was more a lover than a fighter. But he was glad he was learning. These tips could save his life one day and worst case scenario, even if he never used them, at least he could show them off to his mother and Alexis. Half an hour later after going through some Krav Maga strikes and Muay Thai kicks, Castle was exhausted. Ronnie, on the other hand, was still fresh and wanted to continue but relented upon seeing Castle's sweat-drenched face. Rick had even more admiration for his soon to be 50-year old friend. The man was truly a bad-ass and he was glad he was on his good side.

Rick dragged his butt to his room, where after a quick shower, he sunk into his room's hot tub, allowing the jets of water to soothe his aching muscles. God, he really was out of shape and he was sure he would be returning home to New York with a leaner body, assuming he survived Ronnie's boot camp. But then what? Could he stomach the sight of seeing Kate everyday...with Josh? Could he just go back to dating random women? If anything, his run today had told him his body still reacted to women positively, even if his head wasn't in the right frame of mind. Yeah, he had no idea what he would do but that was an issue to worry about for another day. Right now, he was on vacation and the mantra was one day at a time and to live it to the fullest. After his soiree in the tub, Castle took a nap, till 1:00 pm, when Ronnie picked him for lunch. He was surprised when he saw they were having lunch on a catamaran. "Ronnie, did you win the lottery and not tell me?" Ron laughed, "No, a friend of mine lends it to me when he doesn't have the boat booked for tourist cruises. We in the tourist business stick together. I use it to go fishing, so hop aboard." Castle obeyed and after a hearty lunch of steak and potatoes, grabbed a beer, a rod, and joined his friend. The sun was beating down hard and Castle put on some sunscreen to fight off any potential sunburn. The two friends sat quietly, enjoying the beauty and tranquility of the sea. Castle especially loved the clearness of the ocean water. It was as if looking into a pool. You never saw that in NYC with the Hudson River or any other body of water nearby. No, this water was pristine and gorgeous.

Eventually, Ronnie spoke up. "Rick, I know you're feeling down about this Kate thing, but it's Friday night. I think we should go to a bar tonight, to get you out there having fun. I know this place, a hole in the wall that the locals not tourists frequent. I think you'd havea blast there. What do you say?" Castle hesitated in answering, looking out to the sea for answers. He couldn't live his life waiting for Kate. He had made a decision to let her go, and while it still hurt, he had to move on and make the best of it. "Yeah, Ronnie, okay, let's do it. But my Spanish is pretty bad, so you're going to have to give me a refresher course. Deal?" "Deal, buddy!" Castle smiled, as the two clinked beer bottles. Over the next few hours, Ronnie taught Castle how to say the basics in Spanish: the numbers, alphabet, colors, and the basic phrases of "Como estas?" (How are you?), "Quiero beber" (I want to drink); "Eres linda" (You're pretty); and the most important one of all, "Donde esta el baño?" (Where is the bathroom?).

By the time the duo returned to the mainland, it was almost 6:00 pm and Ronnie left Castle to go check with his assistant at the jet-ski business to review the day's profits. He promised to pick Rick up at 10:00 pm. Castle went back to his room, ordered an early dinner and watched TV. He got on the internet to brush up on the day's news and called his mother to check in. Thankfully, everyone was surviving along fine without him and his loft had not yet been trashed by his mother's theater friends, though he suspected she had something planned for Saturday night and the thought alone made him shiver. As 10:00 pm approached, Castle showered and came out to look in the mirror and see he was acquiring a nice tan. He picked out some nice dress clothes, black slacks with black shirt. He passed on any cufflinks or watches but sprayed on his expensive cologne. He packed his cell phone and wallet and was ready when Ronnie picked him up dressed in khakis and a polo shirt. He smirked upon seeing Castle, "Ricky, I did tell you it was a hole in the wall, right?" Castle retorted, "Sorry, but I have to look good wherever I go."

Half hour later, Ronnie and Castle entered the La Taberna, which was packed by local Mexicans and a handful of tourists, looking for the "real" Mexican experience. Castle immediately noticed he was overdressed for this place but he decided not to allow that to bother him, as he followed Ron to the bar. Immediately, upon seeing Ron, the bartender and a few of the locals yelled, "El Asesino!", as they high-fived the Navy Seal and passed him a beer. Ron took the cheers in stride, "Muchachos, este es mi amigo gringo de Nueva York, Rick. Le dicen la ballena blanca!" The bartender looked at Rick, snickered a little upon seeing his attire, but as Ron had vouched for him, said "Welcome, Rick!" The rest of the locals screamed out "Ballena blanca!" As Castle shook hands and ordered some tequila, he looked at Ron and asked, "Why do they call you the Assassin? Do they know you're a Navy Seal?" Ron tried hard to hide his smile, as he gulped his beer. "Actually, no. It's because the ladies fall dead at my feet. You can say I've earned the nickname." Castle groaned, as he took his shot of tequila. "We'll see how you do now that I'm here, Assassin!" Both friends laughed. "By the way, what are they saying when call me ballena blanca?" Ron patted Castle on the back. "I kind of let it slip that you're known as the White Whale!" Castle coughed up some of his drink. Ron quickly walked away, leaving a stunned Castle. "Be right back, buddy!"

A few drinks in him later, Castle was charming the pants off the bar, even in a foreign language, telling some of his tales of adventure with the police in New York with his captivating voice and style and even fabricating some parts, when it suited the story. It was no doubt Rick Castle was born to tell stories. It came so natural to him. Seeing his friend adapting to his surroundings, Ron was in the corner trying to hook up with a red-haired secretary. Meanwhile, Castle had attracted a small entourage of three Mexican women, all with black hair and quite beautiful, who kept calling him "Castillito" (Little Castle). Guess women enjoyed the company of a tall handsome man with a great sense of humor who dressed well in any country. As the night progressed, one of the women, by the name of Reina, had laid her claim on Castle and the other two backed off, leaving to find other suitors. She dragged Castle by his shirt onto the dance floor. Reina was a small thing, maybe 5'4 with heels, compared to Castle's 6'2 size, with beautiful cleavage, which Castle continuously peeked down to look at, though he had been caught a few times doing so already. But there was something overpowering and alluring about Reina that Castle could not shake. Perhaps it was her aggressiveness, as she rubbed on him during the slow dance. He was the prey and after waiting so long for Beckett, it felt good that a woman chased him for a change. Or perhaps it was her intoxicating perfume or her hazel eyes, which told Castle in no uncertain terms that she was his, if he wanted her. Or her gorgeous Latin accent that entranced Castle as she spoke to him in Spanish and though he understood less than 50% of what she was saying, he did not care. Even her broken English was mesmerizing. Or maybe it was the way Castle pictured in his mind lifting this little thing off the floor and grinding on her against the wall in some dark corner.

After the song was over, Reina led him by the hand outside and then into the alley next to the bar. The cool sea breeze snapped Castle back to his senses and he hesitated, stopping mid-stride. He couldn't do this. He wasn't this guy anymore. What about Kate? Reina looked confused at Castle and smiled, pulling him by the hand. "Vamos Castillito. You going to like this." She swayed her hips a little as she walked in front of him. Castle's doubts immediately disappeared, as his biology took over and he followed Reina to the alley. As soon as she spun around, he crashed his lips on hers, tasting the vodka and orange juice she had been drinking in the bar. His hands went to her ass and he picked her up, leaning her back against the wall. Through the lust-filled thoughts in his minds, Castle still thought of Kate and how he was somehow betraying her...by not waiting for her. His subconscious responded: _She's with Josh, probably screwing right now. Stop being such a punk!_

Castle focused on the present, his hands groping Reina's ass and breasts, as his tongue explored every nook of her mouth. Though it had been awhile since he had gotten any (not since Gina), it was just like riding a bike. You never really forget. He then dipped his tongue to her neck and Reina was moaning in Spanish, cursing if he understood what she was saying. She continued to grind her crotch on his, yelling "Mas" (more) over and over. Castle sucked on the side of her breast, causing Reina to grip his hair tighter, as she continued to make mewling sounds. Castle was desperate now and he pulled down his pants. Thankfully, he still had use of his reason and he went into his pocket for a condom. As he couldn't put it on and hold Reina up, he gently set her down. Reina's chest was heaving and she took the condom from him and winked, as she bent down. Upon seeing his member, she gasped a little. Castle smirked. _Yeah, he was not small._ It was another reason he was called the White Whale. He remembered the time Beckett had told him and Will Sorenson during the child kidnapping case to just drop their pants and get it over with and Rick had quickly jumped in, "I'm game." Reina snugly fit the condom on Rick, as Castle tried to wipe his thoughts of Kate away in vain. As he entered Reina, how he wished it was Kate who was moaning around him, screaming his name. Castle ignored the thoughts in his head and concentrated on his and Reina's pleasure. _He was the White Whale after all! _He had a reputation to uphold, even in a foreign country. He thrust and thrust at a steady pace, soon giving Reina a scream-inducing orgasm, before the pleasure in his body spiked, as waves of euphoria rolled through him.

As he slowly slid out of Reina, Castle felt light-headed but also a little disgusted with himself for thinking of another woman during the act. It had not been the best sex of his life, but he remembered Woody Allen's quote: _"Even my worst orgasm was right on the money"_. Reina looked satisfied, as Castle moved to clean himself and dispose of the condom. She fixed herself up, combing her hair, though she still had that "just been fucked" look. Reina pulled Castle's face down to her and gave him a kiss on the lips, as she smiled and said "Good night Castillito" and stumbled to the sidewalk and got in a taxi minutes later, waving goodbye to him. Castle looked at the sky and shook his head. Looks like he had been used too this night, so there was no reason to feel guilty. He went back into the bar to find Ronnie and go back to the hotel.


	11. Chapter 11

****Hello all, back with another chapter, the longest one to date! What can I say: inspiration struck! I know I promised this would be the last one in Mexico, but as you'll see at the end of this one, I couldn't finish Castle's Mexico adventures just yet! Anyway, as always thanks for the comments and follows. You guys are the best! I do not own Castle or ABC or any rights. Enjoy! Some sex scenes but I kept it mild. After all, Castle has to get under lots of women before he can get over Beckett, according to Ronnie! ;) **

Ten minutes later, after waiting for Ronnie to get the phone number of the girl he was talking to, the two of them were in the jeep driving back to the hotel. Castle was quiet, as he stared out admiring the palm trees, the hotels, and the sea.

"Okay, Rick, that was not cool. I was ready to get some action from that girl, when you came over and said you wanted to split. What's up? I saw you leave with Reina...did you strike out with her?"

Castle turned his head quickly and glared at his friend. "No, Ron, I did not strike out. We had a quickie in the alley."

"Atta boy, Rick. Then what's with the attitude? Why aren't you relaxed, feeling happy and content after the release of endorphins?"

"I don't know," Castle sighed. "I felt dirty, used. She barely even said goodbye. God, I don't even know Reina's last name. Hell, we don't even speak the same language! I may have been a playboy in my time, but I was never this bad. I got to know the girl, at least a little." Castle let the sentence hang there, as he looked away, his eyes trying to conceal the other reason for his melancholy.

"Rick, I see what you're saying but I also don't get it. I didn't bring you there to meet your soul mate or form a lasting relationship. La Taberna is where you go to have some drinks and scratch an itch. Everyone knows that and accepts it. I thought that's what you needed...you know, to get over your detective."

Castle sighed, "Well, next time, let me know. But it's not only that...it just I felt like I was cheating on Beckett somehow. I kept seeing her face and wishing it was her I was with. God, how pathetic am I? She's with her Dr. Motorcycle boy and here I am, thousands of miles away and I can't even enjoy a quickie."

Ronnie tried hard to keep his laughter in but he couldn't and Castle had to rub his face in shame. "I'm sorry Rick. It's just when you put it that way...it is pretty pathetic! But seriously, saying you're over someone and actually doing it are two completely different things. Just give it time. With my ex, the first three months, I couldn't even look at another woman after we officially divorced. But time heals all, my friend. Just continue to put yourself out there and I promise, things will get easier. Now man up, you little bitch, we've still got plenty of days in Cancun to straighten you out." Castle managed a smile at his friend's comments. _Yeah, day by day, things had to get easier, right?_ At least he hoped they would.

The next three days in paradise followed the same routine: jogging and self-defense training in the morning, followed by sightseeing in the afternoon, and a myriad of activities at night (playing cards with Ronnie and his friends; hanging at a local casino; and clubbing at the local hotspots). Castle, as usual garnered much attention in public from the ladies, especially due to his new tan and always impeccable wardrobe. However, he swore off quickies with strangers, at least for now. He talked and got to know the women who approached him, made out in a few dark corners, but turned down offers to go to his or the girl's room. Sure, he caught a lot of grief from Ronnie for that, for being a tease, since according to Ronnie, there is nothing better than vacation sex!

By the fifth night of his vacation, as Castle got into Ronnie's jeep, he turned to him and said, "No more Latin clubs, playing music I don't understand the lyrics to, that often give me a headache. I need something more familiar, more in my comfort zone. I saw this jazz club on the internet, which I hear is quite good." Ronnie was never one to say no to a good time so he readily agreed. "Whatever you say, boss man."

The Roots Jazz Club, situated right in the heart of downtown Cancun, was this open-air lovely restaurant and live music club. Upon arriving, Ronnie excused himself, saying he was going to look over the merchandise, as he walked around, observing the single and unattached women in the establishment. Castle just smiled and shook his head: _Same old Ronnie! _ He headed to the bar and ordered himself some expensive scotch, which he started at, while the band began playing. Castle closed his eyes, as he took a swig of his drink and immersed himself in the ambiance and let the music play forward in his imagination. It was the simple things in life he enjoyed and well-played music from the heart was one of his favorites. He tended to listen to it in his loft whenever he was stuck writing or tense and anxious about meeting a deadline. It always calmed and relaxed him, especially jazz. As he opened his eyes, he saw himself in the mirror behind the bar and he liked what he saw. He felt slimmer, though he had not actually weighed himself and the tan gave him a sense of freedom from the old depressed Castle, like he was a new man. It was better than he had felt at all while in New York lately. And he was happy to report that the chill in bones was long gone and forgotten. Yeah, this vacation was exactly what he needed. Castle lifted his tumbler and smiled at his reflection: _Bravo to you, Mr. Castle!_

"Well, someone is quite happy with himself!" The female voice shocked Castle and he dropped his tumbler, spilling its expensive contents on the floor.

"Whaa...ugh." Castle looked to his right and saw a beautiful 5'6" blonde with blue eyes in her early late 20s, dressed in a sleeveless gown, staring at him with a smile.

"C'mon, use your words, you can do it." She chuckled as she sat down next to him, after wiping the seat clean of any liquor. "Hope this seat wasn't taken", she continued as she waited patiently for him to speak.

Castle finally got his tongue and mouth to work in tandem, his face red with embarrassment. "I'm sorry, you caught me by surprise. I was in my own little world there. Sure, have a seat."

The blonde woman admitted guiltily, "It's okay. Honestly, it was my fault, I interrupted your reverie. It was just too cute to watch as your head swayed to the music and I couldn't wait to see what you did next."

"So you were watching me? Did I embarrass myself much?" Castle asked nervously, afraid he had let his guard down in public.

"Calm down, hon. It was just everyone else was looking and listening to the band and you were looking off in the opposite direction and in your own world, as you put it. It intrigued me. My name is Diana and you are?" She stretched her hand out and Castle shook it, more confidently.

"Rick, just call me Rick. A pleasure, Diana. What can I get you...make that us to drink, since I don't have a drink anymore, thanks to you!" He playfully hit her shoulder, enjoying the skin on skin contact and beamed his megawatt smile at her and she melted, ordering a dry martini.

The next two hours passed by quickly, with Castle his usual charming and cute self, with his deprecating humor and witticism. Diana was a divorced real estate agent from Los Angeles on vacation with her girlfriends, who also was tired of the club scene and wanted a quiet evening alone to relax. She was set to return back to work the next day in the evening. Castle and she talked about music, their careers (he didn't tell her his last name, as he wanted an evening with a woman where his fame would not come into play), their lives in their respective cities, and their need for a vacation. There were light touches on the arm and knee from both of them during the conversation, whenever Diana laughed at one of Castle's jokes or his antics, as he described his adventures with Alexis. When Diana excused herself to go to the bathroom, Castle looked back at his reflection and smiled. _Yeah, this felt much better, more natural. _This is how he drew women in: with his charm, his looks, his wit, his deep blue eyes. And Diana was his type: beautiful, blonde, intelligent, sharp, sarcastic, and cultured. He would take this conversation a thousand times over the quickie with a foreigner in an alley. The parry and thrust in a conversation is what aroused him and made him desire women. It's what he had seen from the very beginning with Beckett. _God, why did he have to bring her up now?_

Thankfully, Diana returned, looking more beautiful than ever and Castle invited her to his hotel room for a nightcap. She agreed, as they both knew she would and as soon as she was in his room, the time for pretenses was over. They each knew how they wanted this evening to end and they rushed each other, mad with passion. They stumbled to the bed where they peeled the clothes off each other and engaged in some hearty sweaty jungle sex. Castle let himself enjoy the ride, though a few stray thoughts of Kate were still fresh on his mind. But it was easier to push them out and enjoy the blonde goddess under him. When they were done and Castle had again earned his "White Whale" moniker, they fell asleep in his bed. In the morning, after another round, he and Diana shared a breakfast and did some last minute sightseeing before she had to depart. They said goodbye, not as soul mates, but as two adults who had spent an evening of mutual pleasure. There were no promises of phone calls or starting a long distance relationship and they both knew the other would have a good life and secretly thanked each other for moments they shared. Castle had a bright smile on his face, as he kissed Diana goodbye. There was happiness to be found after Kate, even if it was in these brief moments. _Now, he just had to find it in a lasting relationship._

Castle's good mood after his night and morning with Diana was wiped away quickly by the gruesome training he had to endure at the hands of Ronnie the next day, all because he missed training with Ron the morning after. Castle's body ached in places he didn't know he could ache and he was unable to go out partying the rest of the week. In the back of his mind, Castle swore Ron punished him purposefully because he had struck out at the jazz club the night Castle had met Diana but he would never say it to his friend's face. At least, he was getting better with the Krav Maga and other self-defense techniques Ronnie drilled into his head on a daily basis. Castle just hoped he would never have to put into practice because he was afraid he would freeze up.

Two days before his departure back to New York, on a Saturday night, Castle was able to move sufficiently without pain that he agreed to go out with Ronnie to a black tie affair being held at the Ritz-Carlton to honor some local CEO. In reality, it was an excuse for the super rich to spend money and dress up. As a local businessman, Ronnie had the hook-up for the invitations. Though it was about 15 minutes away, as a way of thanking him for all his help while on vacation, Castle rented top of the line tuxedos for himself and Ronnie and contracted a limousine so they would arrive in style. Again, Ronnie never said no and accepted. The reception was held in the Grand Ballroom and no expense was spared. Ronnie just grinned, as he looked at the guests, especially the women dressed to the nines, "Why do they make it so easy for you, Rick? Go on and hunt, my friend! And find one with a friend for me!" Castle chuckled but he knew what his friend said was true. This was his territory, where he excelled. And to date, no woman could resist him in a tux. Okay, maybe Beckett, but he had at least gotten a dance out of it that night they were at the charity ball, looking for the jewel thieves. His subconscious scolded him: _C'mon Rick, forget Kate. It's time to do what we do best._

Three hours later, Rick and Ronnie were in the backseat of the limousine with Andrea and Carolina Cervantes, sisters and owners of the most prestigious travel agency in all of Cancun, all of them laughing it up, as a tipsy Castle was trying to drain the last quarter of the Cristal bottle into his mouth, but failing most spectacularly.

"Rick, you're spilling the champagne on the floor of the limo and that's our last bottle! And it's close to 2:00 am so we're not going to be able to get any more tonight."

"Calm down, Ronnie, I got this. It's just that the limo keeps moving too much." Castle pouted as he stared at the bottle in his hand.

"Rick, we're parked at a red light," Ronnie pointed out sarcastically.

Castle brought two of fingers to his mouth, "Shhh, don't ruin my excuse with your logic."

That drew more laughs and chuckles from the girls, who were gorgeous Mexicans, with brown hair and brown eyes, who had obtained their MBAs at Stanford (Andrea) and Yale (Carolina) before returning home and setting up shop. They could not help but smile as Castle turned the bottle upside down and tried in vain to catch the falling drops with his tongue with his eyes closed, spilling most of it on himself.

"Am I close?", he asked no one in particular and more laughs were heard, as Ronnie cozied up to Andrea, wrapping his arm around her. Either because she was turned on or because she was tired of the show, Carolina got up and grabbed the bottle of Cristal from Castle's hand, chugged the remains into her mouth before sitting on his lap and plastering a kiss on Castle, her probing tongue opening his mouth and delivering its sweet contents. Castle opened his eyes in surprise and amazement. _God, that was hot!_ He held on to Carolina tightly as he continued their passionate French kiss. When he finally pulled away, in order to catch his breath, he heard the catcalls from Ronnie and Andrea and saw Carolina's flustered and aroused expression. She looked down at his arousal rubbing against her thigh and grinned wickedly. "I just thought it would be more sinful to drink the champagne that way rather than let it spill on the floor or on your tux, Rick." Castle gulped, his lips throbbing from the kiss, "Amen to that!"

Carolina's eyes lit up and Castle could picture the cartoon light bulb over her head. She peered outside and smiled, as she grabbed Rick's hand and called for the limo to stop. Once it did, she opened the door and led Rick outside, discreetly covering his erection with her body.

"Andrea, have fun with Ron. Rick and I are going to have our own brand of fun so don't wait up!" She winked at her sister and Andrea waved goodbye, as she closed the door and the limo continued down the boulevard.

A confused Castle stumbled forward and looked up at Carolina, "Not that I don't enjoy all types of fun, but why did we get out of the limo?"

"Look behind me, Rick", winked Carolina. A tipsy Castle struggled to focus his eyes and saw a hotel with a fountain in front of it, filled with a trio of Mayan-style columns surrounding six jetting streams of water coming out of the ground.

With a perplexed look, Castle whispered like a little kid not wanting his parents to hear, "The hotel? Carolina, babe, I'm staying at a five-star resort. We could have had fun there."

Carolina laughed at Castle's boyish antics, "Not the hotel, silly, the fountain. The Kukulcan Fountain actually. Come and join me Rick, let's be wild tonight!"

_The fountain? Was she serious?_ Carolina smiled seductively at Castle, beckoning him with her finger, as she undid her gown's knot around her neck and exposed her full breasts and dark areolas at him. _Yep, she was serious! And god, did those breasts look good!_

"C'mon Rick, be adventurous, don't leave me naked out here all by myself. Besides, there's no one else around." Carolina turned around and shimmied her hips to let the dress fall at her feet, exposing her ass to Castle. He gulped.._Fuck it! He was on vacation, it was the perfect time to have fun and do spontaneous shit! _ Besides, he remembered a case with Beckett a year ago in New York during Fashion Week, where a couple was about to have sex in a fountain when they found a dead body_. So, yeah, sex in a fountain, it was the "it" thing; everyone was doing it! _That's the way Castle's alcohol-induced brain rationalized it for him and he proceeded to stumble and take off his tuxedo, shirt first and then pants. He tried to ignore the laughs coming from Carolina, as he almost fell down twice trying to balance and take off his shoes and socks. He gathered his clothes and shoes in a neat pile and looked around one more time, to make sure they were alone and he followed Carolina into the streams of water, clad only in his boxers. Carolina was waiting for him clad only in her panties.

_God, I haven't done anything like this since that nude police horse incident!_ The water was cold but it was a warm night so it felt refreshing and exhilarating. Carolina had the widest smile on her face as she jumped into his arms and they began passionately kissing. _Yep, he knew where this was heading._ Not that he was opposed to or a stranger to sex in public places. Hell, in his younger days, he'd had sex with Meredith in Yankee Stadium, Coney Island, and even in a hot-air balloon. But that was years ago and he thought he was past that phase of his life, the reckless days, before he had a teenage daughter. However, seeing Carolina's brown locks wet with the water and her body glistening in the moonlight, he could care less about responsibility and wanted to relive those good old days! He pulled apart from Carolina as he gripped her bountiful breasts and began sucking on her nipples, while his fingers eased her panties off. Her moans of pleasure were music to his ears as he discarded his own boxers and felt her grip him hard, tight, _possessively_. _He was hers tonight, for this moment._ She pulled his head away from her breasts and dropped to her knees where she pleasured him with skill and focus. Castle was so turned on, the liquor in his system making him feel every kiss, tongue twist, and suction that Carolina was giving him magnified by ten. _This could have all been yours Beckett! Huh, where the hell did that come from?_

Castle brushed the thought away quickly and pulled Carolina up, as he did not want this to end prematurely. He walked her back to one of the columns and looked up at its architecture.

"So, is this what immersing oneself in the Mexican culture all about? Having sex with a gorgeous Mexican señorita up against a Mayan column?"

Carolina saw Castle's playful grin and snickered at his bad joke and said, "If you don't immerse yourself in me right now, I'm going to kill you!"

Castle positioned himself when he remembered: _Condoms!_ They were in his wallet along with the rest of his clothes, so far away! Castle took a peek at them before Carolina sensing his hesitation spoke up, "I'm clean and on the pill, Rick. I never do this, you've just inspired me tonight. Now do you trust me?"

"Yeah, I'm clean too and I'm going to have to because if I stop now, I will die!"

Castle picked Carolina up and leaned her against the column, while she wrapped her arms around his neck, and plunged into her. _God, it felt amazing!_ Castle was afraid in his tipsy state that he would drop her but his nerves were so sensitized and the euphoria so great, he swore he could lift a car for Carolina if it meant a few more seconds of sex with her. Her moans of pleasure motivated him to go longer and deeper and she quickly climaxed but Castle kept going, wanting to drag it out as long as possible. His arms began aching, his forehead sweating, and his knee was rubbing against the concrete column but none of that mattered. The water from the fountain's jets refreshed him. He looked deeply into Carolina's eyes and he silently swore to her that if this was the only night he would have with her, he would make it worth her while! And her eyes told him the same. All Castle saw and heard were her eyes and constant moans of pleasure and encouragement, as she screamed his name over and over, as she climaxed again and Castle kept going and going...until he could not hold it any longer and pulled out of her, climaxing. Spent, he eased his way to the ground and looked up to see Carolina, her eyes closed, trying to catch her breath, softly whispering, "Wow".

As the haze of endorphins lifted over the couple, Castle's senses started to focus on his surroundings and he heard shouts of "You the man, stud!" and "Que hombre!" and "That was hot!" coming from all around him. Castle gulped and reluctantly turned his head around to see a crowd of about fifteen locals and tourists, some men with their thumbs held high, while others. mostly women, had their camera phones out, taking pictures of the naked couple! He quickly covered Carolina's body with his own. Castle dropped his head and groaned and closed his eyes, wishing he was back in his hotel room. _Any chance this could just have been a very hot and detailed wet dream? God he hoped so!_


	12. Chapter 12

**Back with another chapter...not too long but it ends Castle's Mexican adventure! As always, thanks for the reviews and follows, both from members and guests. Glad to read that you're enjoying the story as much I am! I still don't own Castle or its properties or rights or ABC! **

Unfortunately, as he continued to hear the clicks of the various camera phones, Castle realized this was real, not a vivid wet dream. _Damn!_ He opened his eyes and being the gentleman he was, he stood in front of Carolina, blocking her naked body from sight, but this left his back and bare ass exposed to the cameras. He looked down at Carolina and whispered, "I'm so sorry about this."

Carolina looked up and trying to diffuse the awkward situation, grinned and whispered back, "Trust me, Rick, you have to nothing to apologize for." The coy look in her eyes relaxed Castle causing him to smile, but that was quickly wiped away when he heard police sirens in the distance_. Shit! He could not get arrested in Mexico! Alexis would never let him live it down! _ Thinking quickly, Castle scanned the water and found his boxers floating nearby. He reached into the water and grabbed them while still blocking Carolina from sight. He awkwardly put them on, all the time keeping his back to the onlookers.

He looked at Carolina and nervously said, "I need to go for our clothes, so cover up as best you can, okay? I'll be back as soon as I can, I promise." Carolina saw the sincerity in his eyes and just nodded her head.

"Okay, 1, 2, 3." Castle turned and ran as quickly as he could out of the fountain, while Carolina strategically placed her arms and hands in front of her breasts and nether region, while she quickly moved and hid behind one of the columns. The clicks of the camera phones continued, as Castle sped to his pile of clothes clad only in his drenched boxers, which thankfully had not been disturbed. He pulled on his tuxedo pants, while he tried to shoo the onlookers away. He looked around for Carolina's dress but with the crowd in his way and the lights of their phones shining in his eyes, he could not spot it. He grabbed the next best thing, his tuxedo jacket, and raced back to the fountain. He could hear whispers from the onlookers, but in his highly energized state, he focused only getting Carolina out of the fountain and blocked everything else out. He held out the jacket for her, while she quickly ran from behind the column and put it on. "Thanks, Rick, you're a lifesaver." The jacket was long enough that it covered the essential parts of her body.

As Castle was helping Carolina out of the fountain, a police car with its flashing siren parked nearby and two police officers disembarked and began approaching the shirtless Castle and the naked girl in the tuxedo jacket. Carolina's confidence returned and she told Castle, "Let me handle the police." She approached the Officers and began speaking in Spanish to them. From what Castle could hear, it appeared guests from the nearby hotel had called them to report a noise disturbance. _Had she really been that loud? Had he?_ Castle covered his face in shame. Carolina fired back, telling the police she was a well-known businesswoman in the community and that she and Castle were just having some fun that got a little out of hand but she promised the Officers that their "business" had concluded and that they were heading home and that they would cause no more trouble. Castle could tell how Carolina was so successful in her business: she was a bulldog when it came to negotiating. She even threatened suing the police if they arrested her or Castle and having them kicked off the force! Eventually, the police conceded and let them off with a warning without having to take them in or file a report. When the Officers left, the crowd dispersed back to the hotel and Castle and Carolina found the rest of their clothes. They quickly dressed and caught a taxi back to Rick's hotel.

On the ride back, Castle grabbed his date's hand and said, "Thank you back there with the police, Carolina. An arrest would have been a big headache for me, especially back home."

Carolina looked sad and a bit guilty. "No, Rick, it was my fault we were even in that fountain. It was the least I could do."

Castle was adamant. "Please, no need to apologize. You didn't hear me complaining about our activities in the fountain, did you? Besides, it's been years since I've been that daring or had that much fun. And it was all thanks to you. But you know, now that the adrenaline rush of the night is wearing off, my knee is killing me like a bitch! Damn column!" Both of them couldn't help but break into laughter after that.

When the taxi arrived at his hotel, Castle got out of the car holding Carolina's hand and looked into her eyes. "Best vacation ever!"

She smiled, "Rick, thank you for an amazing night. Take care of yourself in New York. I hear it's a dangerous town. And if you ever wish to fly non-private, my travel agency can hook you up with some great deals."

Castle nodded and his gratefulness was apparent in the blue of his eyes. "Thanks for everything, Carolina. Bye." Castle leaned in and gave her a sweet peck on the lips. He turned and started to limp back to his hotel room. He could hear Carolina's chuckle in the background, as she got back into the taxi and drove off. He grabbed some ice when he reached his room, wrapped it in a towel, and placed it on his scraped and bruised knee. Upon seeing it was 3:35 am, Castle turned in for the night, glad he wasn't in lockup in some dirty prison being some Mexican gangbanger's bitch!

The next day flew by, as Ronnie let him off jogging and workout duty due to his bruised knee, although he did have quite a laugh at Castle's expense upon hearing about his antics in the fountain.

"A public indecency charge in Cancun? Oh, Alexis and your mother would have loved that!" More laughter from Ronnie.

Castle turned serious, "Good thing, they're never going to learn about this, right Ron?"

Ronnie dismissed Castle's attempts to intimidate him, "My lips are sealed, brother. But wait till I tell the guys at La Taberna! I'm going to be lovin' me some free drinks on that story!"

Ronnie left soon after to check on his jet-ski business as it was Monday, leaving Castle to his thoughts about the past night's activities. _I'm too old for this shit! But it was fun! Still, can't be doin' this shit to my body. Not as young as I used to be!_ His knee wasn't too bad but for some scrapes and Castle was strong enough to get up and walk around and buy some souvenirs for his family and friends on his last day in Cancun. He was flying out at 8:00 pm that night. He spent the rest of the day packing and relaxing in his hot tub and even shared one last early supper with Ronnie at a five-star steak restaurant as a way of thanking him for all his help. Ronnie also congratulated Castle for losing 10 pounds in those 2 weeks and hoped he would continue his self-defense training in New York. Castle promised that he would.

As Ronnie dropped him off for his charter flight that night, Castle hugged his friend goodbye. "Ronnie, this trip was great. It was just what I needed, at a time in my life where I was lost. Thank you so much, I owe you big time."

The older man just patted Castle on the back. "No sweat kid, just remember those words for my birthday in October, the big five-oh. Anytime, you need me, Rick. I'm a phone call away." Turning serious, Ronnie added, "I hope you move on from your detective lady. I see you getting hurt with her, a lot. But in case you don't and you need help getting rid of her doctor boyfriend's body, I'm here for that too, so just call."

That got a laugh from Rick. "I'll keep that in mind!" As he turned and walked toward the terminal, Rick pulled out his phone and called his mother, letting her know the flight details. He then texted Beckett: Vacation over! Back in NYC tomorrow, so any interesting cases, let me know!

He received a reply a few minutes later: Glad to hear it, will let the boys know. CU soon!

During the four hour flight home, Castle had plenty of time to think about his vacation and yes, Beckett. He could not stop thinking about her. _How would he react when he saw her? Had she missed him? Would she be glad to see him back?_ Ron was right. It was one thing to say you're moving on and another thing to actually do it. Yes, he had tried to move on and had had sex with three women while on vacation, but that was thousands of miles away from Kate. And even then, she was still in his thoughts, sometimes during the sexual acts themselves. _Did she think about him when she and Josh had sex? _ He doubted it. She had never given him any indication that she thought about him in that way, while for him, it was written all over his face. _No, he was just giving himself false hope. _He had to move on. He could do it. He could work with her and not be affected by her relationship with Josh. After all, she was happy. _Hadn't that been the reason he had done all of this, given up on her, and moved on? Yes!_ He just had to follow Ron's plan. The more women he was with, the easier it would be to forget Beckett. In a different time, a different place, he could have seen himself falling for Carolina. Well, until he met the right one, he could go back to playing the field. If his vacation in Cancun taught him anything, it was that playing the field was fun, exhilarating...an adrenaline rush! _Just no quickies in dingy alleys and definitely, no more fountain sex!_ Castle rubbed his knee instinctively as he pondered this last thought. And now that he had lost 10 pounds (_thank you Ron again!_) and with his new tan, it was time for the old Rick Castle to make a comeback! The confident writer, the "ruggedly handsome" guy, that's who he really was. Not Richard Edgar Rodgers, the lovesick optimist who followed Beckett around like a puppy dog and waited and waited for her to notice him. _God, that guy was pathetic!_ Yeah, the only way he was going to survive being around Beckett without it devastating him was being Rick Castle again. With a smile on his face, Castle leaned back in his seat and relaxed. _Good to have you back, Rick!_

Some turbulence delayed his flight and prevented him from catching much sleep, so Castle did not arrive at his loft till a little past 1:00 am. He saw a note from his mother and Alexis that they had tried waiting up for him but that they would see him in the morning. Castle headed to his room. _God, how he missed the sound of the ocean, the cool breeze, or the 75 degree midnight temperature!_ New York was a different animal, but he would never trade it for the world. It was the greatest city in his opinion and it was home. As he lay down in his bed, Castle was glad the chill in his bones had disappeared, hopefully forever. Yes, it was gone and now he could finally put that freezer incident behind him for good and move on with his life. Just before sleep claimed him, Castle hoped it would be that easy.


	13. Chapter 13

***Hey all, back with a new chapter! Again, thanks to all for the reviews and follows! Sorry I missed last Sunday's update but the holiday weekend threw me for a loop. Hope you all enjoy! As always, I own no rights to Castle or its characters. They belong to Marlowe and ABC.* **

The ringing of Castle's cell phone awakened him, as he suddenly bolted forward and to the side, almost falling off his bed. As Wagner's Ride of the Valkyries played on his phone, Castle groaned as he recognized the ringtone as that belonging to his book agent, Paula Haas. Still half-asleep, he reached for the phone and saw the time on the LED display: 6:45 am. _Oh God! What did she want so early?_ He vaguely remembered that they had spoken on the phone while he was in Cancun, something about meeting with him upon his return to New York to set up some book signings, but this was his first day back and it was way too early to discuss business. Castle pressed "Ignore" and sent the call to voicemail. He was about to turn over in his bed and recapture his sleep, when the ringtone went off again. _God, these Valkryies sure were on the warpath today!_ Still, he was the writer, the talent, so Paula would just have to wait till a decent hour to call him. He turned the cell phone to mute and turned and went back to sleep.

The smell of coffee and eggs awakened Castle and he looked to see it was now 7:15 am. The aroma emanated from the kitchen so he assumed Alexis and his mother must be up. Remembering he had not seen them the night before, he dragged himself out of bed and put on his robe. He looked in the mirror and saw his disheveled hair, his five o'clock shadow, and imprints of the pillow on his face. He quickly ran his hand through his hair and stumbled his way toward the kitchen. When he saw his mother and daughter at the kitchen island, he grinned and held his arms out.

His daughter and his mother shared smiles, as Alexis ran into his arms for a hug, yelling "Dad, so glad you're back! And you're tanned!"

"And leaner, if my eyes do not deceive me", his mother added from the counter.

"Hey pumpkin, good to see you too!" He twirled her in the air and gave her a kiss on the crown of her head. "And yes, mother, I did lose some weight, about ten pounds, if you must know. I guess I got tired of you two always picking on me and making fun."

Castle and Alexis walked over to his mother where he saw a plate of eggs, toast, and a coffee cup had been placed for him. His mother was picking at a fruit salad and reading one of the New York tabloids.

"Oh Dad, you know we didn't mean it. But I like your look. Maybe this year, you might crack the top five of the eligible bachelors in New York list, despite how much embarrassment I get from it."

"One can only hope, pumpkin", said Castle, as he bit into a piece of toast.

"Don't encourage him, Alexis. If we inflate his ego anymore, he might not fit through the door."

Castle gave his mother a look, which she promptly ignored and continued reading. Castle sat down to eat breakfast. _Oh right, I need to call Paula back. Wonder what she wanted? After I eat my breakfast!_

"So what are my favorite ladies doing today?"

"Well, Dad, I need to study. AP exams are coming up so I'm going to be in the library all day. And Grams has a lunch date."

That piqued Castle's curiosity. "Anyone I know, mother? Please, God, tell me no."

Castle grinned and Martha snickered at her son, "No, you don't know him, Richard. He's from my theater group. And speaking of dates, how was Mexico, son? Any PG stories you can share with us?"

Castle caught a brief flash of a look between his daughter and mother that raised his suspicion, even in his drowsy state. _God, did they know? No, Rick, you're being paranoid. Ronnie would never betray you like that. No, they're just fishing for gossip. Play it cool._

"Uh, no, mother. I mostly hung out with Ronnie and you have him to thank for my weight loss, by the way. I'm surprised I can still walk with everything he put me through. We went out at night, did a little drinking, hung out, but nothing major or gossip-worthy I'm afraid. he sends his regards, by the way." Castle put on his best poker face possible, as he took a drink of his coffee. Alexis and his mother shrugged and Castle let out a sigh of relief. He grabbed his fork and began eating his eggs and drinking his coffee.

"By the way, Richard, did you see this interesting article on Page 6 of the Post this morning?"

Martha handed him her newspaper and Castle abruptly spit out his eggs and coffee all over the counter when he saw the caption: **CASTLE CAUGHT COPULATING IN CANCUN! **"Dad!" In that moment, Castle never hated alliteration more! Castle tuned out his daughter's admonishment because there in the middle of the page under the caption was a grainy photograph of his tanned back and very pale white ass, covering a naked woman whose face could not be seen_. Oh God! But how? He wasn't that famous! And he was out of the USA, damn it!_ As Alexis moved to clean the counter, his mother grabbed the newspaper from him and began to read, all the while Castle stood there in shock, paralyzed.

Martha cleared her throat dramatically, as if preparing for her opening monologue in a play and began: "Best-selling New York mystery writer Richard Castle was photographed in a rather compromising position over the weekend while visiting Cancun. Our sources tell us Mr. Castle, in all his naked glory, was engaging in activities of a carnal nature with a gorgeous and rather vocal businesswoman in a public fountain in the early hours of the morning. Calls to Mr. Castle's agent have not been returned as of this printing."

_Vocal?! Damn, these sources got all the details!_ Castle gulped, as his mother put the newspaper down. _At least I know why Paula is calling me now so early._

Castle stared at the disapproving looks his daughter and mother were giving him. _How he wished he could sink into the ground right now!_ His daughter spoke first followed by his mother.

"In a public fountain, Dad? Really?"

"Richard, darling, I thought I raised you better than this!"

Castle tried to speak but there was nothing he could say, no intricate story he could weave from his imagination to get himself out of this mess and the disappointment in his family's faces was clear so he spoke from the heart. Without humor, just the truth.

"I'm sorry, Alexis, mother. I got carried away, got caught up in the moment. I was trying to feel alive and relive those exhilarating moments from my youth. I forgot for a moment that I'm no longer that reckless young writer. That I'm recognizable now and that my actions affect more than just me. They affect the both of you. I wasn't thinking and I'm sorry and I hope you can both forgive me."

Alexis again went and hugged her father. "Of course, Dad. You know I love you. It's just that when you screw up, why do you always have to do so in such a big and public fashion?"

A smile crept on Alexis' face and Castle felt relief that all was going to be okay and then he looked at his mother. "Yes, Richard, I forgive you too, my boy. I've been witness to so many of your shameful moments. What's one more?"

Castle rolled his eyes, "Gee, thanks mother. What would I do without your unwavering support?"

Martha caught her son's eyes and he knew how much she loved him. "And Richard darling, what do you think Beckett and the boys will say when they see this?" Castle almost hyperventilated right then and there. _God, Beckett! And Ryan and Esposito! And Lanie! Gee, mother thanks for that! _

He was about to respond when they all heard a loud pounding at the front door and a voice yell out, "Richard Castle, you'd better be dead because that's the only excuse I will accept for you for not picking up my calls!" _Paula! This morning just gets better and better._ He got sympathetic looks from his family. "Go, Dad, we'll clean up in here." Castle moved to the door, put on his best smile, and opened it, but his diminutive agent ignored him completely, marching right into his home. "Of all the stupid things, Rick! Why didn't you call me? I could have put a spin on this or contacted my sources at the Post and blocked this completely."

Castle just shrugged his shoulders and sheepishly said, "Sorry..."

Paula groaned and she headed to his office to talk in private. Castle longingly looked to his room, wishing he could wash up and shower and dress properly, but knowing Paula as he did, there was no way he could excuse himself now. He just had to grin and bear it. He walked into his office, closed the door, and that's what he did for the next hour, while she yelled and berated him. Finally, with all the anger and frustration out of her system, they focused on business for another hour and how she was going to try and spin the story to garner him more publicity. She also encouraged him to stay in the loft, if possible.

As he walked her out of the door, dragging his feet like a little kid, Paula looked back at him and said, "Cheer up, Rick. Your tanned muscular back looks good in the picture and nice ass by the way. This might just increase your female target audience!" Castle just sighed, wondering how many more jokes he would have to hear about his ass in the coming days.

With Paula gone, he headed to the bathroom where he brushed his teeth and showered. He didn't know if he would be called out to a case so he did not bother shaving and put on some sweatpants and a sweater and grabbed his cell phone, taking it off mute. When he came out, he saw something shocking: he found his mother cleaning!

"Mother, are you feeling well? And Alexis?"

"Yes, dear, I am fine and Alexis is at the library. She didn't want to interrupt your meeting with Paula. My date just called and canceled so I thought I would kill some time and get some spring cleaning done."

Castle was about to retort with a sarcastic comment, when his cell phone went off: Beckett! Castle looked upward, seemingly at the heavens. _Please, oh please, don't let her know about the newspaper article! _ He calmed himself and answered the phone, "Castle here." Apparently, his prayers were answered, because Beckett just called to tell him there was a body and if he wanted in, to which he enthusiastically said yes! She gave him the address of the place: 1727 21st Street, Gemstar Studios. Upon hearing him say the address, his mother informed him that was where they filmed some soap opera she used to be on: Temptation Lane. _Oooh, a murder on the set of a soap opera!_ His imagination started running wild with ideas and motives. But first, he had to get dressed. As he reached his room and looked in the mirror: an idea struck him. His memory started working overdrive_. It might just work._ At least, hopefully, it would save him some ribbing if Beckett and the crew already knew about the newspaper article and photograph. Looking through his wardrobe, a smile came over Castle's face. If he was going to be able to work side by side with her while she was with Josh, then he had to show it to all of them that he was back and he knew just how to do that.

45 minutes later, an overburdened Castle, balancing numerous coffees and a pastry bag in his arms, carefully made his way into Gemstar Studios, trying to not to spill any of the contents. His wish that no one in the precinct might know about the photo in the Post was quickly dismissed, as he received a few catcalls and whistles from a couple of the female officers, followed by "Nice buns" comments from the male cops followed by laughter and snickers. Castle groaned in disappointment as he continued his balancing act of coffees. Thankfully, as he turned a corner, he saw Beckett with Esposito, Ryan, and Lanie on the set near the body. It appeared to be a woman with an axe in her back. _Ouch!_

Castle took a deep breath as he approached his friends, trying to keep a straight face, and announced, "God, I've missed you guys! And to show you how much, I come bearing gifts." He handed Esposito and Ryan a coffee and could see their surprised looks, slowly turning suspicious. "What guys? It's just coffee." He then turned and handed Beckett her coffee and saw her smile, as her eyes took him in. _God, it took his breath away. Yeah, she may be guilty a lot of things, of being oblivious/rejecting his feeling s and advances all these years, but one thing he could never critique her for was her stunning beauty._ Dressed in her blue buttoned coat and grey pants and purplish scarf with blue blotches, her long brown hair perfectly framing her face, she was the epitome of sexiness. _Stop that! You're over her!_ He cleared his throat and turned to Lanie, who was kneeling on the ground, examining the body garbed in her lilac rubber gloves.

Castle flashed her his megawatt smile and grinned, "Oh and I haven't forgotten my favorite medical examiner. Something for later." He handed her the pastry bag, which she curiously opened. Inside was a bear claw! That brought a smile to Lanie's face instantly.

She looked at him and asked with a curious expression, "How...?"

Castle just smiled back."I have a good memory, Lanie." The petite medical examiner stood up and looked at Esposito.

"You could learn something from the man, Javi."

Esposito looked pissed and a little embarrassed. He looked at Castle, who had an innocent look on his face, mouthing the words "I'm sorry" at him. He icily looked at the writer and said, "Not cool."

Lanie interrupted the detective, "You know Castle, I have a good memory also. Did we time travel back two years and no one told me? Because if I'm not mistaken, you're wearing the same clothes and looking a lot like you did when we first met you."

Castle smiled, seeing someone had noticed the "look" on him. Yep, he was lean again, sporting the five o'clock shadow, and wearing the light brown jacket with light blue shirt and dark jeans again. _Just like in the old days._ "Yeah, since I lost a few pounds, I thought I'd bring the look back. It served me well before." He turned around at the group smiling and caught their eyes, seeing them noticing his attire. Javi was still staring holes right through him_. _Ryan was smiling sympathetically at him, almost apologizing for what was ._. Wait, was that a look of desire in Beckett's face? No, stop it, Rick, you're over-analyzing this. _

"Anyway, Lanie, since I've been gone for two weeks, why don't you catch me up with what happened to the poor girl with the axe in her back?"

Esposito suddenly spoke up before Lanie could answer. "Wait a minute! Is that your game?" Esposito shook his coffee cup in front of Castle's face, who nervously responded, "What are you talking about, Esposito? I brought the coffees because I missed you guys." But Esposito was not convinced.

"Or was it as some form of bribe to keep us quiet about the Post article?!" Seeing the detective's sly look, Castle turned pale and Ryan stepped in, feeling sorry for the writer. "Yeah, we know about that, Castle. Lanie read it this morning and told us about it. And showed us the photo."

Castle looked to the medical examiner, who gave him an enthusiastic nod with a wide smile on her face. "I wouldn't worry about that photo, Castle. You have nothing to be ashamed about."

Castle blushed when he saw Lanie playfully wink at him, while Esposito's face, who caught that, turned serious, "Not cool, bro. Again!"

Castle feared for his life and looked at Beckett, pleading with her to save him. She just rolled her eyes and said, "Guys, you can catch up on Castle's playboy gossip later. Right now, we have a murder to solve, so let's get to work."

_Wait a minute! Playboy? Was that a tone of derision there from Beckett? Why would she care? She had whom she wanted: Josh._ After Lanie gave them the prelim on the victim and approximate time of death, Esposito and Ryan were sent to question the actors, while Beckett and Castle headed off to speak to the victim's husband. Before he left, Esposito grabbed Castle by his sleeve and whispered, so Beckett could not hear.

"Ryan and I are going to want the details later, bro. A fountain?! You freak! And by the way, next time you want to bribe us, try offering the Ferrari!" Esposito and Ryan walked away, leaving Castle to wonder how much more embarrassment he would have to endure and what Beckett would say, if anything, when they were alone.


	14. Chapter 14

*****Thank you as always for all your reviews and follows. They inspire me to keep writing even when I don't want to and the story serves as my therapy during the break, so I'm glad you're out there enjoying it as well. Enjoy! And as always, I own no Castle properties or rights.**

As Castle walked along side Beckett throughout Gemstar Studios, she was catching him up to speed on the victim, a Sarah Cutler, mostly biographic information, like age, marital status, profession, etc. However, Castle's thoughts were elsewhere, mainly back on her derisive tone when she called him a playboy. _Was she pissed at him? Why? For getting caught having sex in public, in a fountain? Did she think he was embarrassing the department? Not being professional? _Hell, she had called him on that a few times during their 2+ years of partnership. At the beginning, it had not seemed to bother him, when she called him immature who took nothing seriously with the attention span of a nine-year old. But now? Her opinion of him mattered, especially as his partner.

"Castle, you feeling okay?" Her words surprised him, as he realized she had stopped walking, a look of concern on her face.

"Yeah, sure. Why do you ask?", he said, trying to play it off.

But Beckett's detective look told him she wasn't buying it. "Because I just told you a writer got murdered and no peep from you, no quip on why would anyone want to kill a writer, nothing. I've grown accustomed to expecting some witty repartee from you now and again, Castle, so when you stay quiet, you worry me." Her beautiful lips curled upward, turning into a smile.

Castle sighed. "I'm fine, Beckett. Just thinking. Look, I know I should have given you some notice on the Page 6 debacle but I just found out myself this morning. Anyway, I prayed you and the boys had not seen it but that prayer went unanswered." He chuckled to himself, as he looked upward to the heavens. _Will You ever grant one of my prayers when it comes to her?_

Beckett grinned, "Sorry, Castle, but ever since that Eligible Bachelor list fiasco, I make sure to read the paper cover to cover before coming in to work. Just to make sure my name doesn't show up in any of your exploits." She mimed air quotations around the word "exploits".

"Hey!" Castle responded indignantly. "I'll have you know that for the most part any mentions of me in the paper are PG-13 if not G-rated. Just sometimes, I get carried away in the moment, you know."

Beckett arched her eyebrows, "Like at the fountain?"

"Yeah, just like that."

"And the nude riding of the police horse?"

Castle could tell by the Cheshire grin on her face that Beckett was enjoying torturing him. He just nodded yes.

"Hey Castle, are you sure you're not a closet exhibitionist? You should see a doctor for that. Don't want to traumatize Alexis, do you?" Beckett laughed, turned, and kept walking down the hall.

Castle mumbled to himself like a little kid, "She thinks she's so funny!" He ran to catch up with her. "Funny, detective. Anyway, I just wanted to say in no way did I mean to embarrass you, the boys, the precinct, or the department. You all do a great job 24-7 and I hope my actions didn't hurt your reputations. If they did, I apologize sincerely for my actions."

Beckett could see the sincerity in Castle's eyes and was more than a little surprised by his maturity at taking responsibility. He knew how much she valued her work and her shield. She patted him on the shoulder, "Castle, it's okay. Hey, police brutality, corruption, the shooting of unarmed civilians and racial profiling are real problems for the NYPD. Your little Mexican adventure is just a blip on the radar and will blow over by the end of the week, so don't worry. Besides, you're in no real trouble. Isn't the mayor in your back pocket?"

Beckett's words snapped Castle out of his worry and his mood improved instantly. He grinned, "Yeah, you're right. Good, now that that's taken care of, let's get to solving this case." He rubbed his hands eagerly, as Beckett just rolled her eyes.

"God, Castle, you're worse than a little kid."

"Yeah, but you still lo.." Castle caught himself before he said something that would make the whole situation awkward. He quickly added, "Tolerate me, because I make crime solving fun." If she noticed his almost slip up, Beckett said nothing and they went to interview Sarah Cutler's husband.

After the interview, which provided a possible lead of an overzealous shipper of Temptation Lane who was angry with the victim, Castle and Beckett went to meet up with the boys. He and Beckett had not spoken much since his almost slip up. He thought about asking her how she know about Foxcan and shippers of the Temptation Lane show but opted to wait for later to broach that issue. Deciding to break the uncomfortable silence, Castle spoke up.

"Ever been to Cancun, Beckett?"

She hesitated, surprised by his question, before pondering his question for a few seconds before answering, "Yeah, when I was at Stanford, I went down for a weekend with a few girlfriends. We had fun." The shy smile on her face told him it was a memory she did not recall much.

_I bet._ He could only imagine what type of fun a free and joyful Beckett enjoyed during her college years, before her mother's death took all that way. He said in a subdued tone, "Yeah, it's a fun place."

"Yeah, I'm sure it was.. for you and your quite vocal mystery lady." Beckett chuckled, thoroughly enjoying herself at having some fun at Castle's expense.

"Alright, Beckett, let's change subjects. How are you and Josh doing?" _God, he regretted asking that question as soon it left his mouth. _He hated just saying Doctor Motorcycle Boy's name.

Beckett quickly turned serious, obviously uncomfortable discussing this with him, but she pushed through it. "We're fine, we hung out a lot while you were gone. He's not working as many shifts now, wants to give our relationship a real chance." Castle saw she could not seem to look at him as she spoke.

Her words bounced around in his head_. They were doing well? That was good, right? After all, that's why he had given her up, so she could be happy. And she seemed to be. Sure, a large part of him wanted to be the one who made her happy but she had chosen Josh. Yeah, he could live with that. He had no choice._

"Great, I'm happy for you, Kate. I hope it works out. You deserve to be happy." He gave her a reassuring smile. _And it wasn't as painful as he had imagined it would be._ In fact, he felt genuinely happy for her. _Perhaps, being altruistic was underrated. Maybe._

"Thanks, Castle." Beckett looked up and saw Esposito and Ryan walking towards them and spoke forcefully, "Hey guys, what did you find?" She sprinted up to meet them.

Castle held back, hiding the smile on his face_. Yeah, that was 100% all Beckett right there, running toward the hills at the first possible chance, avoiding all emotional conversations with him._ And a part of him felt some relief that he was not the one to chase her and wait for her anymore. _Yeah, that was Josh's job now. Good luck with that!_

The murder investigation into Sarah Cutler's death proceeded as normal. The shipper lead turned out to not pan out, as she was home with her parents during the time of the murder. Oh and figuring out that Beckett was a closet fan of Temptation Lane had been one of his personal highlights, just seeing Beckett squirm, was some payback for how she treated him with the Page 6 article. As for the murder, they moved on to the husband when it was discovered he was having an affair with Mandy Bronson, the actress who played Angela Cannon. Then on to Mandy itself. God, how he enjoyed watching with Esposito Beckett's interrogation of the very attractive actress through the glass or as Espo referred to Mandy, "Smoking hot!" _Good times!_ Then on to Gloria Cheney, the victim's alleged mother and convicted felon for numerous fraud scams but that also did not pan out. Then on to Lance Hastings, whom Castle thought was attacking his mother with a knife in the dressing room and he went all "Jason Bourne" on him, as Alexis put it later, only to discover that the weapon was a prop. He was sure his mother was going to make him pay for that. _Not good times at all. _So a bunch of false leads and dead ends before Castle figured out who killer was by reading the coffee shop girl's script that night. And then with his maestro touch, he revealed the killer by writing a scene for the soap filled with subtext, revealing the killer to be Reese Harmon, the victim's assistant. _Dun, dun, dun! Good times again!_

So here they were in the precinct, a little past 7:30 pm, as the police officers completed the paperwork and booked Reece Harmon for murder. Another case solved! Ryan and Esposito were sitting at their desks, making plans to go out and have a beer, when Castle looked over to see Beckett sitting at her desk alone finishing some paperwork. _No better time than now! _He pulled the envelope out of his coat pocket where he had kept it hidden all day for fear of discovery. He approached Beckett's desk and as she looked up at him, a bit suspiciously, she asked "What?"

He handed her the envelope, "I got you a present." By the expression of gratitude and the look on her face, he could tell she loved the signed cast photo of Temptation Lane. _Yeah, it was a gift for a friend. After all, he may have given up on her romantically but he was still a friend, still a partner. Yeah, he could do that. _And the joy on her face made it worthwhile that he had thought of it. He saw her pause and knew she was about to speak, to give him the answer to the mystery of why she of all people came to be a fan of Temptation Lane. Perhaps in the past, he would have jumped on it and let her break a little of that wall around her heart down for him. _Give him a scrap to keep him coming for more. But no, he could not live on scraps anymore. _He could not give himself hope and that is exactly what would happen if he allowed her to speak and let reveal her secret so he went first.

"By the way, Beckett, after the bomb incident, I started thinking about how life is too short and you just have to enjoy it one day at a time and live life to the fullest." The confusion on her face was twofold and quite apparent to Castle: one, why had he interrupted right before unraveling the mystery and second, where was he going with this? "Anyway, I know I'm the last person who should be giving relationship advice, what with my track history and two divorces, but I was thinking..."

Beckett's curiosity was piqued and she looked at him, holding her breath at what he was going to say, or perhaps that was just Castle's wishful thinking again so he brushed it off. "Yeah, Castle, what's on your mind?"

Castle took a breath. Surprisingly, his voice was clear, confident, and filled with empathy and concern. "I was thinking...if you and Josh are going to have a real chance, like you told me you both want to, you have to let him in, Kate. You can't keep one foot out the door, like you told me in the radiation tent. Show him your mother's murder board, Kate. Tell him your history. Let him in, let him help you heal. From one friend to another, you can do whatever you want with my advice, but think about it."

Beckett studied him, looking to see what his angle was, he imagined. Finally, seeing he was sincere, she just said, "Thanks, Castle. I'll think about it." Then, hesitantly, she added, "So you would be okay with me and Josh? I didn't know you cared." She added that last part, hoping to make a joke, but her smile did not reach her eyes as she waited for his response.

There was no hesitation on Castle's part. _After all, he had brooded on his decision for the past 2+ weeks._ "I've got a heart of gold, Beckett. But seriously, even a blind man can see he's good for you and he's a good guy. Hell, a cardiac surgeon, who can compete with that?" _Certainly not me. _Castle gave her a fake smile and stood up. "Anyway, that's my 2 cents. Good night, Beckett." He was about to walk away when he heard Beckett's voice.

"I'm surprised, Castle."

He turned around, now his curiosity was piqued. He scrunched his eyebrows, "Surprised about what, detective?"

She was staring at the cast photo. "Thanks for the gift, Castle, it really was very sweet. Anyway, your comments really surprised me. I never pegged you for the kind of guy to give -" Her sentence was cut off by the ringing of his cell phone.

Castle quickly reached for it as he looked at the Caller ID, didn't recognize it, and said, "Hold that thought, detective." He answered the phone in his melodious voice, "Hello, this is Rick Castle!" Beckett just rolled his eyes and the next thing she heard was a surprised yell of "Mandy, it's a pleasure to hear from you!" Castle looked back to Beckett and held up his fingers again, telling her to hold on so he could finish his call.

Meanwhile, even Espo and Ryan had heard Castle's scream of "Mandy" and they looked at themselves in shock and then looked at Castle. Esposito spoke first, loud enough so Castle could hear him. "It can't be...Mandy Bronson? The super hottie? No way!"

Ryan just snickered, "Some guys have all the luck."

Meanwhile, Castle could see Beckett's furious crazy eyes as she realized to whom he was speaking on his cell phone. "Yeah, go ahead Mandy and take the other call. I'll wait." He covered the cell phone's mouthpiece with his hand and smiled nervously. He looked at Espo and Ryan first. "Guys, I was going to tell you. Mandy and I bumped into each other at the coffee machine and we exchanged numbers right after her interrogation. I didn't know she was going to call so soon."

He then gulped and looked at Beckett who was furious. "Really, Castle? So now, you're getting numbers from our murder suspects?! Do you know how many levels of wrong that is?"

Espo and Ryan just added, "Yeah!"

Castle put the phone to his ear to confirm he was still on hold and yelled back, "Hey, you ll can't be ganging up on me. Especially you, Espo, you're the one who told me she was smoking hot! And as for the rest of you, I'm only agreeing to go out for drinks now...after the murder is over and she has been cleared and we have the real murderer in custody. So what's the problem with it?"

Beckett's eye twitched as she tried to control her anger, "The problem is she was the mistress in this case, she was sleeping with the victim's husband. And in case you forgot, she also slept with the producer of her show so she wouldn't be kicked off! And need I remind you, Castle, of how your last fling with an actress turned out?"

Ryan added, "Yeah, Castle, that girl gets around."

Castle just looked at both detectives, as Esposito was keeping quiet and if Castle read him right, was seething with jealousy that he got a date with her. "Look guys, I appreciate your concern, I really do. But I'm not looking for marriage or a relationship with Mandy. Just going for some drinks and we see where the night takes us." _Okay, he knew exactly where it was going to lead but he didn't want to say that!_ Castle could have sworn he saw a look of disgust on Beckett's face or maybe it was his imagination.

He really did appreciate her concern so he added, "And Beckett, I'm sure Mandy is not looking for some role in a Heatwave movie so there will be no repeat of the Ellie Monroe incident. Anyway, I've got to go get changed." Beckett was about to protest when her cell phone rang. She answered it with a yell of anger, "Who is this!?" Upon realizing who it was, her tone changed immediately, as she glared at Castle with daggers. " Oh hi, Josh, I'm sorry. I didn't know it was you."

Castle backed away nervously before putting the phone to his ear and saying, "Hey, Mandy, you're back. So where were you thinking of going?"

As he made his way to the elevator, he waved goodbye to the guys. Esposito just looked at him and mouthed the word "Details! Later!" to him. Castle smiled and faintly heard Ryan say to Esposito before the elevator doors closed, "When I grow up, I want to be just like Castle!"

**A/N: Yes, I know Mandy got around, but you can't deny she was smoking hot so I had to pair the two of them!**


	15. Chapter 15

*****As always, thank you for the reviews and new followers I get after each new chapter. It is quite humbling. I didn't get too far into the plot with this chapter, but it's just too fun to have these characters interact, so I apologize in advance. I'm interested to hear your opinions on Lanie's appearance in this chapter: too OOC? It was fun to write the interaction but it left me with that nagging thought. As always, I own no rights to Castle or ABC. **

In the end, Castle's date with Mandy started with drinks and dinner at a high class Italian restaurant, a few blocks from her penthouse apartment. She looked absolutely ravishing when he picked her up, dressed in a skin-tight leopard dress. He, of course, was garbed in his suit with his lucky purple tie. Not that he needed much luck this night. During their dinner, chitchat was kept to a minimum, just some facts about Sarah's murder and how he figured out the identity of the killer. He kept things succinct, his eyes constantly flowing over Mandy's body and significant cleavage, which he knew she was purposefully showing off. He was Castle after all, he knew how women operated and he did not have to put his killer moves on the actress. With his tanned complexion and more toned physique, it was hard to resist him. The sultry looks the pair exchanged throughout the conversation was quite evident. Thus, it came as no surprise to Castle that a couple of hours later, he had Mandy pinned up against her bedroom door, sucking on her bottom lip, while one of his hands was on her left breast and the other was in between her legs. _Yeah, Ryan had been right: it was good to be Rick Castle!_

Mandy did not disappoint, not with that smoking hot body, and their two rounds of sex were quite enjoyable for both of them. They both fell asleep soon after, quite spent and satisfied, but there was no cuddling. Each stuck to his/her own side of the bed. They both knew this was a one-time thing: one was celebrating not losing her star show, the other solving another murder. It was a win-win for each. In the morning, Castle woke up at 6:00 am before saying goodbye to the actress, thanking her for the pleasurable night, and jumping in a cab to head home. As he slowly endured his walk of shame to his penthouse loft, he passed Eduardo his doorman not paying attention to him and what he was saying, just absentmindedly nodding. When he reached his floor, he pulled out his keys and was about to enter when his mother and Lance Hastings, the actor from Temptation Lane, walked out of his loft, nearly bumping into him.

"Mother, Mr. Hastings", Castle asked, curious as to where the couple was heading off so early in the morning, something about the actor nagging him internally.

"Richard dear, I would ask how your night was but I'm afraid you would tell me." Martha waved her hands dramatically, as she continued. "Lance here is taking me for an early breakfast." Lance nodded, avoiding eye contact with Castle, keeping his eyes on the floor.

"Have a good time, you two." Castle stepped past them and that's when it hit him. Lance was wearing the same clothes he was wearing yesterday_! Oh mother!_ A shiver went up his spine, shaking his whole body, as he realized Lance had spent the night at his loft..with his mother! Ugh! _Guess I'm not the only one doing the walk of shame this morning!_ Yeah, he would taunt his mother about that later, but for now, he wanted to eat something and relax in his home. He closed and locked the front door and moved to the kitchen to pour himself some coffee when his doorbell rang.

_Damn!_ _Who could it be?_ His mother had not left her keys and he was sure Alexis still in her room, given the sound of her footsteps. Castle looked at the coffee pouring out of the machine and sighed, moving to the door and opened it, revealing the feisty medical examiner: "Lanie! Come in, I didn't expect you."

"Yeah, I bet. I was waiting across the street since your doorman told me you had not returned all night." Castle saw the judgmental look on his friend's face and he was not ready to talk about this with her, at least not without some coffee in his system.

"Lanie, before you start berating me for something I may or may not have done, let me drink some coffee first. " He turned and the medical examiner followed him to the kitchen.

"Look Castle, you know I'm not one to get involved in other people's lives, but when Javi told me you and Mandy had hooked up after the case, I felt I had to talk to you...in person."

Knowing she did not drink coffee, Castle offered Lanie some tea, which she politely refused. "Lanie, is my love life now the subject of your pillow talk with Esposito? Couldn't you guys discuss something else?" Castle flashed her his best smile, but the medical examiner just put her hands on her hips and gave him a look that no way in hell was that look going to work on her. _Damn, she's not playing around._

In a serious tone, Lanie replied, "Don't even try those puppy dog eyes on me, Castle. How long have you known me? And as for Javi, there was no pillow talk. That boy is in the doghouse with all the drooling he did over Mandy." She snorted in disgust.

Castle stood there, his mouth agape as to how Lanie knew about that. She saw his face and smiled, "I have my sources. And you two shouldn't be ogling a murder suspect like that from behind the glass."

Castle just nodded, intimidated as everyone was when the medical examiner was like this. He was sure Esposito had thrown him under the bus when confronted about Mandy and this had caused Lanie to react and come see him this morning. That left Castle only one option to avoid her wrath: whining. "C'mon Lanie, Mandy and I hooked up after the case was solved. I did not compromise the case at all. And I knew all about her sexual history but I was just looking for some fun."

She wasn't buying it. "Castle, you know even the look of impropriety negatively affects the precinct. I heard Beckett was really pissed when she heard what you did. You know how serious she takes her career. And she sure doesn't want Ryan or Esposito following your lead. And your actions lately have not been the most exemplary of the NYPD, if you know what I mean."

Castle sighed. _When was the Cancun incident going to blow over?_ "Yeah, you're referring to the Page 6 article.."

Lanie interrupted him, "And the video on the internet...complete with audio. Damn, Castle, that girl had some lungs on her, huh?" She smiled, loving to torment him, just like Beckett. _No wonder they got along so well._

Castle turned pale. "There's video also?"

"Yeah, there is. Cell phone have video cameras now, Castle or haven't you heard? Thankfully, it was blocked from Youtube due to its mature and explicit content." Lanie crossed her arms, waiting for a response.

Castle rubbed his face with his hands in frustration. _Oh God! He hoped Alexis never saw it...or his mother! Wait...how did Lanie find it then? _He thought about it for three seconds._ Then again, he didn't want to know._

Castle sighed, looking genuinely contrite. "Okay, Lanie. I get the message. You're right. I haven't been thinking lately and I will promise to think before I act in the future. And I will apologize to the guys and the Captain too. I will strive to act more professionally. Contrary to popular opinion, I am no longer a nine-year-old on a sugar rush." Lanie had been right, he had only apologized to Beckett and had not thought of the other cops in the precinct. He would correct that.

That softened Lanie's demeanor and she flashed him a smile and nodded her head. She looked at her watch and started to walk out, saying something about an early office meeting, with Castle following close behind. Lanie stopped before reaching the door and looked back at Castle, her eyes softer, "So, Castle, are you back to your man-whore ways? Like when we first met you?"

_Lanie was anything if not direct. She certainly did not sugarcoat things._ "I'm currently single, Lanie, so I'm exploring my options right now. After the bomb incident, I realized life is too short and I need to make the most of everyday and have some fun. I wasn't having fun before, Lanie, just waiting..." He didn't finish the thought of what or whom he was waiting for.

Lanie nodded her head. In a soft voice, she said "I hear what you're saying, Castle, but you and her make sense. I know she's with somebody right now, but she's worth the wait. You guys just have some really bad timing." Lanie let out a loud sigh of frustration.

Castle smiled, she cared about them. _And never were any words more true: He and Kate had bad timing..really bad!_ It hurt to think what they might have had if they had waited for each of them to be single and he tried to hide his disappointment and as always tried to mask it with humor, "Lanie, are you just asking because of your rather hefty sum on us to hook up in the precinct betting pool?"

Now it was Lanie who was shocked, as she swore that bet was top secret by the look on her face and her silence. Castle grinned, "I have my sources too. But seriously Lanie, I know what I do, hanging out with Beckett and the boys, is dangerous. I've almost died a few times in the past couple of years helping the team solve murders. I just couldn't keep waiting, hoping for her to break up. I can't live like that, wishing her ill. She's happy with him. I have to see what else is out there for me. You can understand that, right?" Castle stared at Lanie and he unexpectedly found himself looking for some hope. _C'mon girl, is there some nugget of information that you can share with me gleamed from one of your girl talk chats with Beckett that would convince me that I was wrong, that I made a mistake, and that I had time to fix it?_ His eyes were pleading for her to respond.

Lanie hesitated, as if internally debating with herself. But unfortunately, either because Lanie took her girl secret keeping privilege seriously or more likely, because Beckett had never expressed the same level of interest in him, the medical examiner just said, almost in a whisper, "Yeah, Castle. I can understand that. Thanks for the bearclaw from this morning again and see you around. Don't forget what we talked about. Try not to lead Javi askew, okay?" She smiled and bowed her head, unable to tell him what he wanted to hear.

Castle hid his disappointment, "Sure. Thanks Lanie for coming by. Later." Castle closed his door, resting his head on the frame. He then sighed. _I made the right decision. But it still hurts to know I was right on this one. _ Thankfully, Alexis' footsteps down the stairs snapped him out of his melancholy.

With a forced smile on his face, he turned and said, "Hey pumpkin, what do you want for breakfast this fine morning?"

Alexis' eyes scanned him over and her smile disappeared. "Dad, did you just come in from your date last night?"

_Damn! His clothes gave him away. Just like Lance. There was no doubt she was his daughter._ He stammered, "U-u-uh yeah, honey. So how about that breakfast?" Castle sprinted to the kitchen, hoping she would drop the subject. Alexis just shook her head in admonishment.

Later, while the pair shared a breakfast meal of juice and eggs, Castle's thoughts kept going back to the explicit video Lanie had mentioned and his eyes kept switching from his coffee to Alexis. _Did she view porn? Was there a chance she could see the video? He'd die if she saw it...literally! _

Alexis spoke up, her exasperation quite clear. "What, Dad? You always get like this when you want to ask me something. Just say it already. I have to get to school." Alexis sat there, her impatience wearing thin, as she finished her breakfast meal.

_Damn, his daughter could read him like a book. Too intelligent for her own good! She was going to go far in this world. _ "Sweetie, I was, uh..just reading an article about the detrimental effects of internet porn on teenagers and I just hoped that you.."

His daughter's scream interrupted him as well as her look of indignation, "OH DAD! Yuck. Really? You read about porn and you thought I would have perused that. I'm not the one with a porn collection in my closet, Dad."

_What?! How? Oh God!_ Castle turned pale again. _Not a good morning for him!_ Alexis just smiled, stood from her stool, and placed a kiss on his cheek. "I have to rush off to school, Dad. See you later. Love ya!" And like that, Alexis grabbed her books and rushed off.

Castle was still in shock, his mouth agape, and just mumbled to an empty loft, "Love you too sweetie. How...?"

The rest of the week passed by, with Castle insisting to himself that the phrase "porn" would no longer be used in his home and ridding himself of his collection. _Okay, ridding himself of it was too strong a phrase._ He just hid it better, namely inside the top of the line safe in his study. He also attended some book signings thanks to Paula which he could not refuse due to the Cancun incident, as she referred to it, and that led to some more one-night stands. It was too easy. It was almost as if the women who attended just dropped their panties whenever he showered any one of them with significant attention. While he complained internally that it was too easy, the women were just too attractive to pass up and he did his best to earn the "White Whale" moniker a few more times during the week.

He also met with the Captain, Esposito, and Ryan for a boys' night out, where he apologized to them for his recent actions. They heartily accepted his apology and also got him to divulge, after a few drinks, his sexual encounters in Cancun, his night with Mandy, and his other recent conquests. As all three of them had significant others, they loved to live vicariously through Castle and they patted him on the back so much, especially for the fountain sex, that he thought his shoulder was going to fall off. But as the night ended and Castle found himself alone in his bedroom, he asked himself: Was he going to be that guy from now on? The guy in his 40s and 50s whom others admire for a couple of hours but thank God they're not that pathetic when they lie in bed at night with their girlfriends/spouses. _God, he hoped he wouldn't end up being that guy._ The night was not a complete loss. Castle had convinced Javi to help him out with something, a promise he had made to Ronnie, and Esposito was the perfect candidate.

Speaking of the fountain sex, he also found the online video on an over age 18 website (also thanks to Esposito who told him where to find it) and though grainy, the images on the screen took him back in time and reminded him of Carolina. _And she had been quite loud and that made his ego smile._ No, he did not regret his actions, even if he had been caught. Sure, the sex had been great but it was more than that. It reminded him of a time where he had fun and took risks. As Castle lay in bed, he thought: When had the risk-taking stopped? Why hadn't he just gone up to Beckett and told him her feelings and lived with the consequences of her reaction? The old Castle, even if rejected, would have wanted to know for sure and not lived with the doubt. _Bullshit!_ Maybe, this moving on, returning back to Rick Castle, was just all talk because the fear of rejection had been ingrained from him for too long. Kyra rejected him and the future he offered her. Meredith had cheated on him and rejected his daughter and motherhood and being his wife. Hell, even his father had rejected him and a future with his mother. Castle shook off the depressing doubts creeping in. _No, he had been right not to wait for Beckett. But this playboy lifestyle, or as Lanie had so colorfully put, his man-whoring, was not working either. _ He could see the cracks. Sure, like any red-blooded guy, he enjoyed and loved sex. But with each conquest, the pleasure was less because it was so ephemeral and fleeting each time. He had to find another solution. But then again, as Castle closed his eyes, there was no need to rush that decision...maybe after a few more rounds of casual sex with some hot looking women. _Yeah, that was it!_


	16. Chapter 16

*****Hello all again! As always, thanks for the reviews and follows. You guys are great and I'm glad the story reaches out to new people with every chapter. While I try to stick as much to an episode as possible, for this chapter (based on Law and Murder), I switched out Castle's fight with his daughter over tracking her phone. It just didn't fit the story but I added a new argument between the two, so I kept the fight theme the same. Hope you enjoy it! As always, I own no rights or properties to Castle or ABC.**

Pain shot through Castle's body, the air leaving his body, as he closed his eyes to block out the pain. _God, why did he ever think this was a good idea?!_ The world around him on this lovely Monday morning faded away, leaving him to focus only on his thoughts, ignoring his bodily pain. _Was he happy? Really happy?_ Yeah, he had made peace as best he could that he could not and would not ever have Beckett. But this sleeping around, he had been there and done that. And to make matters worse, the last two times over the weekend, sure the sex had been good, but it had left him feeling sad and pathetic. Two girls that had taken him all of 20 minutes combined to convince to sleep with him, one at a bar, the other at political shindig for his friend, the mayor. No challenge, no sense of satisfaction, other than the immediate release. _There had to be something better than this for him, right? Wait, was he hallucinating...was that Beckett's voice he just heard in the darkness?_

Castle, prone on the floor, slowly opened his eyes, focusing on the ceiling tiles. This time, he heard it clearly, as Beckett's voice rang out loud, "Esposito, call Ryan, we caught a murder at the courthouse. I'll call Castle and tell him to meet us there."

Esposito chuckled. "No need Beckett, Castle is right here, on the mat. Get your ass up, Castle!"

Castle raised his torso, as he looked around the precinct gym and saw Beckett standing by the door. He smiled and waved, as Beckett screamed, "Castle?! What are you doing here?"

Castle grunted as he struggled to get off the mat, after remembering exactly how Espo had seconds earlier swept his legs out from under him. As he got to his feet, he grumbled, "You mean, besides getting my ass handed to me by Esposito here?" Castle stretched his back and quickly adjusted his Green Lantern t-shirt and shorts to make sure he was not exposed to the detective, as she walked over to the pair.

The Hispanic detective smiled, "Hey Lantern boy, remember it was you that asked me for self-defense lessons. It's just been a bonus that I get to throw you down over and over."

Beckett, dressed in her usual sweater and gray dress pants, looked over the sweaty Castle, "Is that so, Javi? Castle, why didn't you ask me to teach you self-defense?" She put her hands on her hips, waiting for an answer.

_Wait, did she just ogle me from head to toe? Uh, Rick, forget that because she looks pissed!_ "Uh, well, Beckett, besides pride, you mean? That and I also didn't think you would hold back, after all the years I've annoyed you!" He smiled, hoping his joke would ease the tension but it was clear from her stiff stance that it had not. "Also, because the lessons my friend Ronnie gave me in Mexico, you know, he's a Navy Seal. So I was sure Espo would know some of the same techniques, given his Special Forces training." Castle's eyes widened as he looked at the Hispanic detective and pleaded for backup.

Esposito got the message, because he chimed in, "Yeah, writer boy is right. He knew some basic lessons of Krav Maga and Muay Thai. He's not too bad. With time, he could be decent enough not to get himself killed in a hand to hand to fight." Esposito smirked at Castle and the writer was sure the detective had picked up the "writer boy" from Lanie.

Castle looked over nervously at Beckett, who seemed to have calmed down when she said, "Alright, but you two get showered ASAP. A juror has been killed in the Lyla Addison case so this is going to be high profile. Now move you two."

As Castle was about to head off to the precinct showers with Esposito, he stopped and looked back at Beckett. "I've been curious about something. How come you guys never offered to teach me any self-defense before?" Castle did his best to look offended.

Esposito looked at Beckett and then at Castle. "Uh, bro, you couldn't even catch a baseball that day we threw one at you. Not even close! We thought you might get hurt learning, you know?"

Castle looked at Beckett, who shrugged her shoulders and just added, "Yeah, what he said."

Castle opened his mouth to argue but then remembered he had missed the ball and then how he couldn't even throw the ball that night to Alexis, who was standing 5 feet away from him! He closed his mouth and just said, "Yeah, that works for me." He turned and headed to the showers.

Hours later, the death of a juror had Castle's head spinning with wild legal theories and Grisham novel comparisons. Hell, he had even texted his poker buddies and called dibs on the story. He had already apologized for his recent behavior to Beckett, Ryan and Esposito, the Captain, and the other cops in the precinct. A majority of them were surprised by his apology but thanked him anyway. He was one of their own, after all, even if he was a civilian. They still pestered him with "Nice ass" comments but he knew they did it in fun.

Castle was glad he had been able to clear the air about that. As for the case, however, by the end of the night, the team was no closer to solving it. As the rest of the team called it a night by 7:30 pm, Castle found himself alone in the bullpen with Beckett. He had read that Forbidden Planet was showing at the Angelika Film Center the following night and Alexis and his mother had turned him down already that morning before he headed out to train with Espo. While it did not bother him to go alone, maybe he could ask Beckett to go with him, as friends only, of course. Now, that he was alone with her, he couldn't bring himself to ask her.

_Just ask her, man up! It's only a movie. What's the worse she can say?_ Castle opened his mouth to speak, but Beckett beat him to it, "You got a book signing, tonight, right?"

"Yeah at 8:00 pm. Paula has me doing them non-stop, especially since the Page 6 article."

Beckett winced a little at hearing the newspaper article mention and quickly covered it, "I bet. Well, good night!" Then she quickly turned and before Castle could react, she was in the elevator and gone.

"Hey Beckett, you doing anything tomorrow?" Castle whispered to the empty bullpen. _Oh well._ He looked at his watch and headed over to the book signing.

The signing at the Barnes and Noble was packed. Paula was impatiently waiting for him at the door when he got out of the taxi. "Oh Rick, that Page 6 article was the best thing ever. Look, the store's packed and mostly by women. C'mon stud, let's get inside."

Castle groaned and followed his agent inside. Two hours later, his fingers ached from so many signatures and he felt his face was frozen in place, from all the fake smiles he had plastered for all the cell phone camera shots for his so called fans, many of whom he was sure had not even cracked the bindings of his books. And given his tanned and slim physique, the ogling was so blatant he felt like a hanging piece of veal at a butcher's shop. As he shook the last fan's hand and Paula called an end to the signing, she smiled and pointed over to the corner where a group of six attractive 20-something girls had gathered in the bookstore.

Instantly, one of them, the oldest, tallest, and best looking of the group, sauntered over to him. Paula just smiled and whispered, "Have fun, Rick. You earned it tonight, great job!" She walked away just as the blonde co-ed reached him.

"Excuse me, Mr. Castle. May I have a word?"

Castle sighed but was impressed with her proper use of "May" instead of "Can". "Sure, how can I help you, Miss?"

"Lisa by the way. Well, I just wanted to say that you look so much handsomer than on your book covers. They really don't do you justice. With your tan, you look delicious."

_Okay, she's going with the blatant approach. What was he supposed to say to that?_ "Thank you, Lisa. I started exercising recently."

"Well, keep it up, Mr. Castle. By the way, I was thinking maybe we could go catch a drink, if you're not too busy."

_Wow, how quick was that? Less than 3 minutes?!_ Well, he really did not have any plans, other than maybe catching up on some writing. He looked her over again. She was young and curvy and tight in all the right places he was sure. _Yeah, he could have fun with her. But is this what he wanted? Yes, you idiot! She's young and hot and she'll scream out your name if you do it right! C'mon , stop being a pussy all your life. She's willing and able, this is not rocket science!_

"Sure, Lisa. I know a bar that's close to here." As he walked her out, Castle caught out of the corner of his eye the cheers and smiles the other five girls in the group were sending Lisa. Yeah, he had been the prize and she had conquered him...with nothing more than simple platitudes.

Outside the store, Castle paused. "Lisa, I have to get something clear. Have you ever read any of my books?"

The sexy blonde blushed. "To be honest, no."

A perplexed Castle then asked, "Then why did you come to a book signing?"

Lisa smiled deviously, looked around, and leaned in to him, whispering in his ear. "I read the article. I can be quite vocal too!"

Castle coughed and cleared his throat. Yeah, part of that had been sexy and shot straight to his groin, picturing all the things he could do to this girl's body and all the screams he could elicit from her. But the other part, the demeaning part, was that he was just a piece of meat to her, a sex toy. After the deed was done, he would have to get in a cab and go home...again. Like he had the past few nights, with the empty feeling in his heart. No, he couldn't continue like this. Being someone's sex toy or release for their sexual frustrations. He wanted more...he needed more. He wasn't Ronnie. He could not be 50 and man-whoring. It wasn't who he was and it was about time he took his head out of the sand. Just because Beckett had rejected him did not mean this was his only option.

Taking a deep breath and hoping he wouldn't regret his actions when he was home in bed alone tonight, Castle smiled sadly and said, "Lisa, on second thought, I just remembered I have a deadline and I need to go home and write. Maybe some other night."

The disappointment on the co-ed's face was apparent but she wrote her name on a piece of paper. "Call me, Mr. Castle when you're free one night and we'll go have fun. I'll be waiting for your call." Castle took the paper. _Yeah, right_. _She would forget him as soon as she found a new stud or a new vibrator._ He waved goodbye and hailed a cab home. When he was far away, he tossed the paper out the window. _Yeah, he was done with that life._

Castle's pride in himself for rejecting Lisa quickly dissipated when he reached his home that night. Alexis was waiting for him, sitting on the sofa and by the look on her face, she was pissed at something. "Hey, pumpkin?"

"Don't you pumpkin me!" Alexis said in a raised voice. _Okay, she was pissed at him for some reason!_ Alexis stood and started pacing around the living room. "Look Dad, I consider myself a reasonable person and I understand you're a single guy with some fame and notoriety, but I can't put up with this anymore."

"With what, sweetie?" Castle looked terrified.

Alexis held up the newspaper article and yelled, "This! And the internet video that my fellow classmates found online over the weekend and were more than happy to mention to me, oh I don't know, maybe a hundred times today!"

_Oh God, the video!_ "Honey, you didn't see it.."

"God no, Dad! I would have to poke out my eyes if I ever did! But Dad, the humiliation." Her voice broke as she finished the sentence.

Seeing Alexis' eyes start to tear up just broke Castle's heart. _God, he had been an idiot thinking going back to his old life had been the answer. But he had been feeling hurt..still no excuse!_

"Sweetie, I am sorry, I promise.." Castle sat down on the sofa, wishing he could hold his daughter and take all her worries away. But Alexis refused to sit down and continued pacing.

Alexis regained her composure and calm tone. "No, Dad, let me finish before you promise anything. It's not just Mexico, the video, it's everything, you going back to your..." Alexis paused as she thought of the proper word.

Castle cringed. _Please, please, don't say man-whoring!_

"Skirt chasing ways" Alexis finished. "Dad, I remember how you were, when you and Mom broke up. The drinking, all the nights you didn't come home, and Grams had to come over to take care of me. I tried to understand it back then, that you were hurting. And as I grew up, I came to expect that it was part of who you are. But Dad, remember how I told you that night we met Detective Beckett that I did not like you signing other women's chests."

Castle had stayed quiet all throughout his daughter's speech. _She knew how to control a room when she wanted to do so._ He just nodded, remembering she had said that seconds before Beckett appeared in his life.

"Well, Dad, if you knew that pissed me off, how did you think I was going to react to the article, the video, and you coming home over and over the morning after spending some night with some floozy?! Dad, l graduate from high school next year and I'm considering Princeton, Stanford, and a whole bunch of other schools not close to home. I don't want to leave you here all alone, knowing you don't have someone special in your life. I know Beckett's not an option..."

_Whoa!_ Castle interrupted her, "How do you know that?"

"Well, I was talking with Grams earlier tonight since I felt bad I couldn't go with you to see Forbidden Planet and I asked her why you didn't just ask Beckett to go with you. And she told me Beckett had a boyfriend, some surgeon called Josh. Is that why you're doing all of this, Dad, to forget her?"

_God, his daughter was sharp!_ Castle hesitated. "No...maybe..I don't know. The Mexico thing was just celebrating life, having fun on vacation, being spontaneous. But being back in NY, I don't know, I just wanted to relive some old times. But tonight, before coming here, I realized that I was going about it all wrong. I decided to stop the..skirt chasing completely. It's not me, Alexis. Maybe, in an earlier stage of my life, but not anymore. I promise."

Alexis smiled and ran to hug him. "I'm still mad at you for the school thing, but I'm glad you came to that realization on your own. And Dad, I'm sorry it did not work out with Beckett, but there are other women out there, smart, professional women, who also don't see you as a prize or want you for your money. She's not the only one out there. You deserve someone special, that lasts longer than one night."

Castle hugged his daughter tightly, thanking God for having her in his life, as tears filled his eyes. "Yeah, I know, sweetie. When did you get so smart?"

Alexis chuckled. "Raising you was hard work, I had to learn something!"

Castle laughed from deep inside. "I promise to make you proud, sweetie. And I'm sorry for the school embarrassment I caused you. Now, get to bed. I have some writing to do. Love you."

"I'm sorry for being so harsh on you but you know, tough love and all. Love you too, Dad. See you tomorrow." Alexis wiped her eyes and ran up to her room.

Ten minutes later, Castle sat at his desk with his laptop open but no words came out. He had not written Heat and Rook since before the contamination scare, the frozen locker, and the dirty bomb incident_. God, without his muse, could he still write Nikki's story?_ He had never thought giving up Beckett would mean losing his primary character, for which he still had two more books on his contract with Black Pawn. _Shit! C'mon Rick, you can do this._ But try as he might, every time he pictured Nikki, he saw Beckett's face and he couldn't bring himself to have her kiss or interact with Rook, without thinking of himself and everything he had given up. After 20 more minutes of blockage, Castle tossed the laptop aside. He was okay with giving up Beckett, so why couldn't he write?

_What was he going to do now?_ The skirt chasing had kept the loneliness away, at least for a little while. _Now that he had given it up, now what? C'mon Rick, your daughter was right. There are other women out there. Beckett, while extraordinary and everything else you wrote about her, cannot be the only woman out there for you on a planet of six billion! What is it that you want?_

Rick thought about it. He wanted...more. He wanted the great mind blowing sex and...more. Doing the NY Times crossword with your mate on a lazy Sunday morning; walking through Central Park with her on a warm afternoon and people watching; spending a weekend at the Hamptons; having quiet family dinners; and having a DVD marathon nights at the loft with his family. That's what he wanted from the woman in his life_. Good, now how did he go about getting that dream?_

Beckett was not the answer. _But wait...how had he not seen it before?_ _God, he was slow._ As he thought more about it, maybe this Addison case with all the legal drama and references was Fate's way of telling him what he had to do. I mean, how perfect to think of her after this case! As he thought more about it, the more excited he became and butterflies started to flutter in his stomach, each time he thought about how she was there when he needed to talk to someone the most. He remembered their chemistry and though short-lived, it was there. He could be happy with her. Yeah, he was ready for her and everything that came with her. He just hoped she would give him a chance. _Oh God, if she had seen the newspaper article! No, no negative thoughts right now. Just be positive. _

Castle scrambled over to his wallet on his bedside table, so nervous his hands were sweating. _Please oh God please tell me I didn't lose it! _ He pulled out papers and credit cards from of his wallet like a maniac as he lay them on his bed. _There! Yes!_ Castle pumped his fist when he saw the card. He picked up his cell phone and dialed the number, clearing his throat. That's when his eyes caught the numbers on his alarm clock. _Oh shit, it was 11:15 pm. God, please tell me she's not asleep and I didn't just wake her up. Maybe I should wait till morning..._ He was about to hang up when a female voice picked up, "Hello?" Her voice stirred things in him. _Fuck, here goes nothing._ He took a deep breath and spoke confidently.

"Hi Isa, it's Rick, Rick Castle. Remember me?"


End file.
